Live Bloggin the Grammys!

Even thought it's 8 p.m. and everyone on the East Coast has already seen the Grammies and has blown up Twitter with the results so I pretty much know everything, it's time for another live blog! My golf recap is written, the wine is poured, spaghetti is boiling... let's go!

First a text exchange between me and my sister:
My sister: If Katy Perry wins a Grammy tonight I'm boycotting radio.
Me: If Justin Bieber fever wins, me too.

So right out of the gate you know where my sister and I stand on who should not win tonight.

8:01 - We are opening with a tribute to Aretha Franklin and the first person out onto the stage is... LL Cool J? He and his Kangol hat are yelling about how awesome Aretha Franklin is. Wow, Mr. Cool J please stop yelling at me.

8:03 - Maybe if the National Anthem was an Aretha Franklin jam Christina Aguilera would have sang it better and not forget the words. Hey ooooo

8:04 - Why is Christina Aguilera leading this tribute when JENNIFER HUDSON is standing right next to her? I would rather see her and her bangin Jenny Craig body sing these songs 100 times over.

8:05 - Oh good they're all taking turns. J Hud was just clapping for Christina Aguilera's performance but she totally had a look in her eye like "Ha! Just wait til I get the mic."

8:06 - Ok so Yolanda Adams (gospel singer), Martina McBride (country diva with a giant voice), Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson and... Florence from Florence and the Machine?

8:15 - Jennifer Hudson wins the diva off.

8:25 - Oh my God Ricky Martin is wearing jeggings. Oh and he's introducing Gaga so that's fitting. Very, very tight fitting.

8:26 - Alright, here she comes to perform her brand new song. Which isn't exactly a surprise anymore because she released it Friday and it got slammed for sounding like Madonna's "Express Yourself".

8:31 - Wow. I couldn't even type anything. I was pretty transfixed by that. Here are my thoughts:
- GREAT performance. Her voice is super legit and she just sang and didn't do anything weird and  I liked that.
- Did you see this egg on the red carpet thing? Yes THIS is how she entered. I also discussed this with my sister. She is fascinated but thinks that people are getting tired of her and frankly I could take it or leave it. One of these days she should just wear a dress and walk like a normal person on the red carpet and then people would really flip out.
- I feel bad that she is very very proud of this song and it has such a great message and yet people are more concerned about the fact that ::gasp:: it sounds like this other one from 25 years ago.
- I still can't believe she wore a dress made out of meat.

8:37 - How CUTE is Blake Shelton introducing Miranda Lambert? She looks amazing while she performs this song.

8:42 - Lenny Kravitz is still relevant enough to present at the Grammys? I think he and Ricky Martin went shopping for Grammy jeggings together...

8:43 - Another performance. I made this same complaint last year I think but I'm 40 minutes into my DVR recording and there's only been one actual award given out.

8:45 - My boy Seacrest is introducing Bruno Mars, B-O-B and a girl I've never heard of. B-O-B is wearing a freakin monocle you guys. Like the monopoly man. That's how you know you've made it. Also, I thought Bruno Mars got busted for cocaine possession? Meh, come perform at the Grammys anyway bro. That too is a sign that you've made it.

8:48 - Either my TV is really really that old and terrible or they just switched to a black and white telecast. There really is a 50-50 chance that it's my TV...

Yep. This is my TV. Contain your jealousy.

8:49 - I like the idea of a Motowny rendition of the "I'll catch a grenade for you" song but wow his voice is really bad and that song is terrible to begin with.

8:50 - Oh what? An actual award? Oh that is why we're here isn't it. Best Country Female Vocal is up now.  Miranda Lambert wins.

8:57 - Uh ooooooh. Bieber Fever is about to hit the Grammys! Somehow Justin Bieber got to perform for Usher in 2007 and now he's international. And now they're singing a duet on the Grammys.

9:01 - Usher. What are you doing man? Performing with the Biebs and Will Smith's kid? But thank you for actually singing which is something your boy Bieber didn't feel he needed to do on the Grammys.

9:05 - Here's the thing about Justin Bieber. I saw him on Ellen and I was starting to buy into it a little. I had like a Bieber stuffed up nose if you will. Not quite the fever is what I'm getting at. Anyway, he's very humble, very well composed, very well spoken and very gracious for a 16 year old in the business. Miley Cyrus I'm looking at you. He plays the drums really well and also plays guitar and keyboard - he's legit talented. And then he lip synched on the Grammy awards. So close JB. We were so close.

9:09 - Donny Wahlberg is presenting with Selena Gomez. I guarantee you Selena Gomez has no idea she's standing next to a member of the greatest band of all time NKOTB.

9:10 - Lady Gaga wins Best Pop Vocal Album over Bieber, Katy Perry and - ouch - John Mayer. She seems legitimately shocked and thankful so good for her. Also she thanked Whitney Houston and I'm fine with that because no matter what you say about Whitney, she was a diva and I wanted to be her when I was in the fifth grade.

9:14 - Didn't need the Letterman Top 10. That could have cut out like 5 minutes of this THREE AND A HALF HOUR SHOW.

9:14 - Bob Dylan is performing with two groups I've never heard of. This first group is Mumford and Sons and they are like angry bluegrass rock or something. There's a banjo and a cello but they're talking about a noose around their neck and their growing fears and headbanging. The moral of the story: the lead singer is smoking hot.

9:22 - Lady Antebellum is performing now. Apparently they've already won two awards tonight. Why didn't we see any of that? I'm annoyed.

9:26 - Oooh an award finally. Best Country Album goes to Lady Antebellum. They are pretty awesome.

9:29 - Cee-Lo Green and Gwyneth Paltrow are performing together. Wow. Get Gwyneth Paltrow on one episode of Glee and next thing you know...

9:29 - I can't even explain Cee Lo Green's outfit right now. Gaga has some competition.

9:32 - Gwyneth Paltrow is in a SERIOUS outfit right now. Basically a black unitard cut super low in front with some 8-inch stilletos. How do these women pull off these heels!?

9:35 - NPH introduces Katy Perry. I follow him on Twitter and would rather listen to him talk for 3 minutes and make jokes than hear Katy Perry sing.

9:37 - Are those her wedding pictures? Lord.

9:39 - I want a sparkly microphone for when I sing the anthem at the UC Davis women's hoops game in a few weeks.

9:43 - Song of the Year is up next and Lady Antebellum's "Need You Now" wins again!

9:46 - Seth Rogen just introduced Eminem. There's some kind of irony or something in there somewhere.

9:52 - Wow THAT was sick. Performance of the night for sure. Go Youtube that if you didn't watch it: Eminem, Rihanna, Dr. Dre. That was amazing.

9:54 - Best New Artist is up next aaaand someone I've never heard of just won it. Esperanza Spalding? Not a clue but her speech was good.

9:56 - Mick Jagger has never performed at the Grammys? He's like 103.

10:01 - Mick Jagger's performance came immediately after the In Memoriam tribute slideshow. Interesting juxtaposition there CBS.

10:03 - I'm losing interest and fast forwarding and there is still like 45 minutes left. Longest awards show ever.

10:07 - The incomparable Barbra Streisand just wowed the crowd with an amazing performance and next up is Nikki Minaj and Will I Am.  Nikki Minaj is dressed like this:

I am ashamed of my generation.

10:11 - Why is Rihanna performing AGAIN? Honestly did we need all of these performances? Drake is super hot though so I'll watch.

10:16 - Record of the Year is up now. J Lo and Marc Anthony just bickered their way through presenting and the Grammy goes to Lady Antebellum AGAIN! Wow this is quite the surprise.

10:18 - Okay I am giving up. I already know who one Album of the Year thanks to Twitter. This post is getting boring, the cat is getting to be a maniac. It's time to wrap things up. Hope you all enjoyed the live blog.

The Oscars are coming!

Golden Globes Live Blog

The 68th Annual Golden Globes are about to get underway so it's time for another live blog.  The show is 3 hours long so I will try not to comment on every single thing but well if you know me or have ever heard me tell a story... yeah... we'll see. Ricky Gervais is hosting, Glee is nominated a bunch, I think it's going to be a fantastic night.

I was just watching some sort of red carpet special that involved Carson Daly, Natalie Morales who I think is from the Today show and a British woman interviewing the stars about what they were wearing.  Here are some parting thoughts from that:
- Carrie Underwood's dress is amazing and I want to be her.
- Natalie Portman's dress was cute and pink
- Ummm did anybody else know that Christian Bale is British? How did I not get this memo?
- Somehow Carson Daly has made himself relevant again. Not talented. Just relevant.

Here we go!

5:03 - Ricky Gervais' opening monologue was fantastic.

5:04 - Christian Bale wins Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture. I seriously had no clue that he was British. This is really messing with me.

5:07 - LL Cool J is wearing a tux and a Kangol hat. Isn't it time for him to no longer be called LL Cool J? He's not rapping anymore is he? He's on some CSI-ish type show. He is presenting Best Actress in a TV Series - Drama. I have never heard of any of these shows except The Closer.

5:09 - Okay so the woman who just won has been nominated before... for her role as Peggy Bundy on Married with Children. What a career move huh? The cameras showing Ed O'Neil aka Al Bundy while she was getting her award now makes a lot more sense.

5:15 - How do I become this Miss Golden Globe? I would be amazing at it. Smile a lot. Ask nicely that someone stand here and not there. Smile more and follow people offstage. Wear an incredible dress. Seriously where do I sign up? All bets are off that I'll behave myself if Matt Damon or any member of Glee end up onstage though.

5:21 - Yay the first Glee nomination! Chris Colfer for his role as Kurt is up for Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series...

5:22 - AAAAAAAH!!! He wins!!! I just yelled and clapped a bunch of times. Oh man this is seriously such a great moment to watch! They are all so so so thrilled for him. Lea Michele is crying for him, Jane Lynch is beaming, his speech is absolutely fantastic. That was super fun.

5:28 - I just tweeted Chris Colfer to congratulate him on his win. Is this super nerdy of me?

5:29 - Eva Longoria almost just slipped and fell coming out on stage. Her dress is awesome though.

5:32 - Something's got the cat all fired up and she's making me nuts.

5:36 - Boardwalk Empire just won for Best TV Series - Drama. I've never seen it but apparently Mark Wahlberg is involved so it must be good.

5:41 - I can't believe that movie Social Network is nominated. Apparently I missed the boat on this one. I'll add it to Netflix.

5:44 - Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are presenting now and JLo just reminded the crowd that she is a judge on American Idol by way of the most awkward segue ever. Let me remind Jenny from the Block that we're not as excited about it as she is.

5:49 - US Weekly's Twitter just let me know that ::gasp:: Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johanson came to the Golden Globes in similar dresses and that Bullock is 46. I would love to look like Sandra Bullock when I'm 46.  Shoot I'd like to look like Sandra Bullock now...

5:55 - Toy Story 3 wins Best Animated Motion Picture. I thought Despicable Me would definitely take it. Apparently that movie has changed people's lives because my friends can't stop talking about it.

5:59 - Emma Stone (from Easy A and Superbad) dyed her hair blonde and has a terrible fake tan. Didn't even recognize her. She is nominated for Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Comedy or Musical for Easy A. Seriously? First The Social Network and now Easy A? What is wrong with you Hollywood Foreign Press?

6:01 - Emma Stone does not win. She's super cute and talented but a Golden Globe for that role would have been too much.

6:10 - More boring awards, no fabulous dresses...

6:14 - Claire Danes just won an award and she is really gorgeous. Her dress is pretty awesome. Hot pink, halter, backless. She's working it out.

6:21 - Zac Efron needs to get rid of the barely-there mustache and loosen up while presenting this movie and then I'll take him seriously again.

6:23 - Tina Fey and Steve Carrell win my award for Best Presenters of the Night. Hilarious. Also Tina Fey's dress was really pretty. Top five of the night for me.

6:24 - What the heck? The Social Network just won Best Screenplay - Motion Picture.  Seriously, was this movie THAT good?

6:27 - Oh man here we go, another Glee nomination. Jane Lynch is up for Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series but it's a super tough category. She's up against Boardwalk Empire and Sophia Vergara from Modern Family...

6:29 - AAAAAAAHHHHHH SHE WINS!!!! Wow I seriously didn't even see that coming. Another fantastic speech, this time with some humor thrown in. What a great night for Glee fans!

6:35 - Wooooooah Olivia Wilde's dress is very big and ball gowny. It's really pretty but it's gigantic!

6:38 - Glee nomination #3 of the night! Lea Michele is up for Best Actress in a TV Series - Comedy or Musical. It's a tough group and Laura Linney (who isn't even there) wins in a very anticlimactic announcement by Vanessa Williams.

6:45 - Matthew Morrison is now nominated for Best Actor in a TV Series - Comedy or Musical. Now I thought that he'd have to be worried about Steve Carrell and Alec Baldwin but apparently this show the Big Bang Theory is good enough that their guy won it. Alec Baldwin looks a little irritated but Matthew Morrison is laughing and stuff.

6:51 - OMG Matt Damon is going to present next.

7:01 - Stone. Fox.

7:02 - What is Diddy doing at the Golden Globes? Probably the same thing Ryan Seacrest is doing except without being a dbag.

7:03 - Angelina Jolie looks very uncomfortable whenever the camera pans to her and Brad Pitt in the audience.

7:13 - I'm surprised Black Swan hasn't won more awards tonight. Meanwhile The Social Network wins ANOTHER award, this time for Best Director - Motion Picture.

7:16 - Can Glee win Best TV Series - Comedy or Musical??

7:17 - AAAAAAHHHHHHHH Glee wiiiiiiinnnnnnnssssssss!!!!!!!!!

7:19 - Dang they fit the ENTIRE cast on that stage - even Korofsky and that kid that stalks Lea Michele and stone fox Blaine are up there.

7:23 - I also want to look like Halle Berry at any part of my life, especially in my 40s.

7:30 - I might add Joseph Gordon-Levitt to my list of normal-acting famous guys that I would love to date. The list is now him and Josh Groban.

7:32 - Natalie Portman is so cute and pregnant in her pink dress. Black Swan finally gets some love as she wins Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama.

7:35 - Ricky Gervais is on point tonight.

7:44 - If this kid wins Best Actor for The Social Network, I'm going to be super irritated. Mark Wahlberg (who has looked really annoyed all night tonight) or Colin Firth HAVE to win this.

7:45 - Hooray for Colin Firth! The movie he won the award for, The King's Speech, looks really good.

7:51 - Cuuuuuute Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation when he comes out to present.

7:53 - You have GOT to be kidding me! The Social Network just won Best Motion Picture - Drama. Honestly can somebody please tell me if this movie, a movie about FACEBOOK, was that good? I love me some Justin Timberlake, but I cannot believe a movie he was in just won a Golden Globe for Best Picture.

That's all folks! Great show, a few surprises, Ricky Gervais killed, but most importantly GLEE WOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN!  Piechowski... out.

Live Blog: Dancing with the Stars 200th Episode

Tonight, Dancing with the Stars will air its 200th episode. As the opening number and credits rolled, I said to Chloe "Man lovebug, I should be live blogging this." So I am.

As always with a LTD live blog, the time stamp is not accurate because I DVR like crazy.

Let's go!

9:00 - The opening number with all of the pros from the past 11 season was SICK. Man those dancers can move. Then they go through each season and show the celebrities from that season who are in the audience tonight. This is not sick. Not very well rehearsed, I couldn't tell who half the people were, and nobody was there from season 6. Oops. Of course when they show season 10's contestants, it's Erin Andrews, Jake the Bachelor and Evan Lysacek the figure skater. Shocking. Erin Andrews is owned by ABC, Jake technically is too, and I heard a rumor that tonight they will be previewing "Skating with the Stars" which sounds absolutely terrible but I guess that's why Evan is here.

9:03 - Tonight they are going to do team dances BUT, says Brooke Burke, there's a twist. Each team will have a former champ as their captain. I guess they're more legit, but a pro can teach me a dance any day over the so-called captains.

9:04 - The captains are Kristi Yamaguchi and Apolo Anton Ohno. Um Team Apolo all the way thanks. Apolo, Derek Hough AND Maks on the same team? Yes please.

9:07 - So I guess Team Kristi is first because they are showing their practice. At first I thought they were just recreating the freestyle dance that Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark did, but now apparently they are cha-cha-ing. I am so confused.

9:10 - Ok so yes here goes Team Kristi. Rick Fox is a giant but he moves really well. Bristol Palin wasn't so bad and Kyle and Lacey are really fun to watch. This isn't bad at all.

9:14 - Wow Brooke Burke. Please let them finish speaking before you cut them off. Ugh she is terrible. How do I audition for this job? Team Kristi gets a 24 out of 30.

9:18 - Back from commercial and I'm pretty sure Derek currently has on a fake soul patch like Apolo has. This could be epic.

9:20 - So let me get this straight. Apolo and Kristi are captains, but they don't do the choreography, they don't watch practices and they don't offer any kind of criticism. So what would you say you do?

9:24 - Loved it. Plus all three guys all had fake soul patches on. Chloe gives it 4 paws. Bruno can't stand it. He has to stand up and do the cabbage patch or the butterfly or something.

9:26 - 27 points for Team Apolo. Their captain has just said unbelievable 7 times in 30 seconds. Team high fives! Cuuuuute.

9:28 - So now it's time for round two. And apparently each couple is going to recreate an iconic dance from someone from a past season. AND that person is going to be... wait for it... a guest judge for that dance. It is getting CRAZY around here.

9:29 - First up is Mel B aka Scary Spice. Fun fact: Maks spends Thanksgiving with Mel B and her family sometimes. Buuuuut neither of them were born in America...

9:31 - Kyle and Lacey will be dancing the Maks and Mel B paso. Which means Kyle is playing the part of Maks. This is Kyle. This is Maks. K good luck Kyle.

9:34 - Len says it was his best dance. Mel B was blown away. Bruno calls him an untamed young bull and says "testosterone" (awkward) but then critiques his shoulders. Carrie Ann liked it. Chloe can hardly contain her excitement:

9:37 - 35 out of 40 for Kyle and Lacey for 59 on the night.  Mel B gave him a 10.  I'm not a psychic or anything but I feel like that could be a trend tonight...

9:38 - Our next guest judge is season 3 champ Emmitt Smith.

9:38 - Okay I have to just say that this season of Dancing with the Stars has more light effects, more smoke, more lasers and explosions and set changes and props than ever before.  Every single time someone comes out I feel like I'm watching the ESPYs or the VMAs or some other low budget awards show.

9:40 - So of all the couples to dance Emmitt's tango, it's Kurt Warner and his partner.  This strikes me as hilarious.  A Super Bowl MVP QB vs. a Super Bowl MVP RB? I can't back up that Emmitt Smith was in the Super Bowl, an MVP of the Super Bowl, or even a running back.

9:44 - The judges critique such weird things.  Kurt sticks his next out too much according to Bruno.  Carrie Ann just criticized the tango Emmitt did EIGHT seasons ago.  Awesome.

9:45 - Oh there is so a vibe between Kurt and Emmitt and it's not a good one.

9:46 - Rick Fox is in a completely green suit.  Like completely green.  With green shoes and a green fedora with a green feather in it.  He looks like the Jolly Green Giant.

9:47 - Ooooh so weird.  Emmitt gave Kurt a 10.  Everyone else gave him 8s.  They get 34 out of 40 for 61 on the night.

9:49 - Kelly Osbourne is next.  She's lost like 100 pounds or something.  Seriously her body is insane now. Bristol and Mark are reinterpreting Kelly's Viennese Waltz from season 9.

9:52 - Bristol lets us know that her family and Kelly Osbourne's family are very different.  Insert your own jokes here...

9:55 - Kelly Osbourne just told Bristol she had some big shoes to fill.  Wow.  Listen Kelly, I know you're looking all fabulous these days but let's tone down the arrogance a bit shall we?

9:56 - They just showed Kristi Yamaguchi and Apolo Anton Ohno sitting next to each other in the audience.  Do you think that secretly they can't stand each other because Apolo is the new Winter Olympics darling?  These are the things I think about.

9:59 - OMG Kelly didn't give them a 10!  How PISSED are you if you're Bristol and Mark.  That celeb paddle is like a free 10! They get 33 out of 40 and 57 on the night. Brooke asks how that feels and Mark goes "That feels great!" and Bristol goes "Oooh yeah."

10:01 - My lover and favorite tax evader Helio Castroneves is up next. Rick and Cheryl will dance his quickstep where he wore the bright yellow suit. This is probably why Rick is dressed in a giant green suit.

10:04 - Eliza Dushku with a special guest appearance.  The only thing I've ever seen her in is Bring It On.  Apparently she is dating Rick Fox. With a partner like Cheryl, I'm sure this is not the first time she's just popped up at the studio.

10:06 - He seriously looks like a giant piece of broccoli.  Plus he has a zebra print tie on.  This is the worst costume ever.

10:07 - Oh no you did not Tom Bergeron.  How are you going to make a joke about him looking like the Boston Celtics when he is a Laker? Not cool.

10:08 - They all decide his nickname is the Jolly Green Giant.  Um I made that joke 20 minutes ago. Carrie Ann then yells, yes literally yells, the word giant 3 times.  Then they show Rick and he is totally courtesy laughing.

10:09 - Helio gets us back on the homer train with a 10 for Cheryl and Rick.  They get 9s from everyone else for 37 out of 40 and a total of 61 on the night.  The judges all thought that was their best dance to date and I thought it was awful. Goes to show what I know.

10:13 - Yeah I want to be Carrie Ann now.  First she gets to sit next to Helio and now Gilles?  Not fair. Brandy and Maks are dancing Gilles' foxtrot.

10:14 - Brandy talks about how she's faced a lot of adversity throughout her career.  I can't even make a joke here...

10:15 - HOW are you uncomfortable with getting rub up on Maks? Move over and allow me to show you how it's done.

10:18 - That was a good one.  Chloe loved it too.

10:21 - Woah LEN gave out a 10 but Gilles with the 9? That's quite the twist.  They get a 37 out of 40 for a total of 64 on the night.

10:23 - This is the longest show ever. Here's the gist of what I'm fast forwarding through.  Jennifer and Derek are dancing something Drew Lachey danced.  Jennifer Grey is 50 and cries a lot.  That just took up 2 minutes on my DVR.

10:27 - Yep, she's back.  Carrie Ann is crying.  And I don't know what any of the other judges said because I was looking up my polling place.  I think my apartment complex is a polling place...

10:29 - It's a 10 from Drew and 9s from everyone else.  64 out of 70 total. Ugh Brooke Burke. Blah blah blah.

10:31 - That's all folks! Tomorrow is the 200th results show with Taylor Swift, Rod Stewart and the cast of Mary Poppins which is actually playing up here in Sacramento and I'm thinking about going to check it out.  Thanks for tuning in.  My foot and my cat are asleep.  Livin' the Dream. Out.

Live-ish Blog: Dancing with the Stars Season 11 Premiere

The wait is over! Not only do we have the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars Season 11, but we also have the return of the live-ish blog here on Livin' the Dream. Dinner has been eaten, a glass of wine has been poured (which could make this even more entertaining) so now it's time to get down to business. As is customary, I DVR the first 30 minutes or so of the show so I can fast forward through commercials so my time stamps will be different.

Let's go!

8:25 - Tom Bergeron says we ain't seen nothing yet and that this is the wildest cast ever. Mrs. Brady and Michael Bolton scream wild and crazy to me, don't they?

8:26 - I am dying to meet the British guy who starts off the show.

8:26 - Music legend Michael Bolton? Wow that's laying it on a little thick, don't you think ABC?

8:27 - This is the absolute best set of introductions ever. Apparently Bristol Palin is a teen activist and yes, he is in fact going to be known as nothing but The Situation. Wow. I'm serious. His name is literally written as "The Situation and Karina" on the graphic.

8:28 - Brooke Burke is still a terrible announcer.

8:29 - Tony and Audrina are starting us off with the cha cha. But Tony just told Audrina that they are going to be the first couple up and she is freaking out. This is either because she's that dumb or because she's a total ringer and she's really good at dancing so they have to come up with something to make her "nervous". I guess we'll find out.

8:31 - Not bad for the very first couple up. She totally just went through the motions of the steps but it's to be expected for the first show I think. It's not going to get her through to the finals but she looked decently confident, just needs to be a little feistier.

8:32 - Bruno just called her a beautiful show pony that needs to be whipped into shape. Nice to see some things never change on this show.

8:33 - Aaaand not only did Carrie Ann just say that Len's butt is very tightly clenched, she just told Audrina that her solo at the start of the dance took "conyos". If you speak Spanish like I do, the word "conyo" is the equivalent of sh*t. So what I think she meant to say was "cojones" which means guts. Check yourself Carrie Ann.

8:34 - Wow a 7 from Len. 19 out of 30 for their total score. Heck yes you will take this Audrina. Last year on the first night, people got 4s. Take your sixes and be on your way.

8:37 - Next up is Kurt Warner and Anna. He has seven kids. Also he dances like the biggest whitest guy ever. This isn't going to be pretty.

8:41 - That wasn't as big of a train wreck as I thought it would be. Bruno thinks he's a natural. I wouldn't go that far. Carrie Ann just called him a legend on the football field. Again laying it on a little thick aren't we?

8:42 - Aaaaand time. Who had 8:42 as the time when all the judges would start screaming over each other?

8:45 - We're back with the scores. Wow 7s from Carrie Ann and Bruno and a 5 from Len. Kurt says "he'll take it". Again, that's a 19 out of 30 so yes Kurt you will take it.

8:46 - Honestly Brooke Burke is just the worst. I will comment on this frequently.

8:47 - Next up is this kid Kyle and Lacey who is blonde now. Not a good look for her. I have no idea who this Kyle kid is but literally he's like 15 and annoying me already. They are doing the cha cha too.

8:49 - Well what the kid lacks in technique, he certainly makes up for in showmanship. We might have an early favorite here. The crowd was going nuts, Carrie Ann is losing it and just said "fantastical".

8:51 - I think Bruno just called him a puffin. Isn't that an Arctic bird? Let's rewind.

8:51 - Still sounds like puffin but the fact that the entire phrase was "You are like an adorable naughty little puffin", I think he's really saying puppy. It is Bruno though so I wouldn't be surprised if he was actually saying puffin.

8:52 - Kyle loses a vote because of the ridiculous secret handshake he and Lacey just did. But they got a 23 out of 30.

8:54 - Next up is former LOS ANGELES LAKER Rick Fox and Cheryl. She's like 5-2 or something and he is a giant so this should be entertaining. It will also get old if they go on and on about how he's soooooo tall. Anyway, let's check out this Viennese waltz.

8:57 - Former Los Angeles Laker Rick Fox and his very white teeth are surprisingly graceful considering he's a giant. Len is all about it. Bruno is yelling again and thinks it's going to be a quarterback-power forward showdown. Carrie Ann is throwing herself all over him. Gross. But they all really like him. I will say he was a pretty decent surprise.

9:00 - They really know how to drag these shows out. One couple and then commercials. Thank goodness for DVR. Meanwhile absolutely none of the new shows on ABC's fall lineup look good.

9:02 - Rick Fox gets a 22 out of 30. This is a very high scoring first night.

9:03 - Next up is Margaret Cho and Louis. She has a LOT of tattoos and says she thought she'd be better than she actually is at ballroom dancing. No offense but I pretty much though you're as bad as you actually are.

9:04 - Apparently she was called the fat ballerina when she was five. Has this really haunted her her whole life? I'm going to say no.

9:06 - So she started out strong, then she turned into a payasa (as my dad would say) which means clown in Spanish. This was so weird. They were dancing the Viennese waltz and then they turned it into a comedy routine. The judges hated it and they get three 5s. I agree though. I get that she's a comic, that's her thing, whatever, but that's going to get old really fast.

9:10 - Time for Brandy and my lover Maks.

9:11 - Apparently Brandy did DWTS because she's been afraid to. Afraid of what? Being on TV? You were Moesha. Dancing in front of large crowds? You sold out concerts all over the country. I don't buy it Brandy. Ringer.

9:13 - Blah blah blah the judges love her and Bruno makes a play on words with her name and drinking. Sounds about right for Bruno. She gets a 23 out of 30 and she is crying. Oh wow, no she is seriously tearing up right now. Check yourself Brandy.

9:15 - And now the moment we've been waiting for: Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas. Mark is so cute but the shaved head is not a good look. Bristol Palin is already having issues doing shimmys and poppin that booty which I knew was going to be a problem for her.

9:16 - Aaaaaand the first dig at her ex Levi. Classy Bristol.

9:18 - Okay so here's the thing. I actually have to hand it to her for being on this show because honestly, she really is just a normal teenager. She isn't a celebrity (not like most of these people really are) but she hasn't grown up on TV or played a professional sport or sung in front of millions of people. She is like 17 and yes she's been on the tabloids and stuff but coming out and ballroom dancing on live TV when you literally have NO experience being any kind of an entertainer takes guts.

9:23 - And she's also not a good interview. Wow the combination of Bristol Palin and Brooke Burke is going to be really painful for me to watch. She gets an 18 out of 23. Sidenote, they cannot stand that Sarah Palin isn't in the audience.

9:24 - Oh good and now it's Florence Henderson's turn. Um when did she become a singer?

9:25 - Did you know Corky and Mark are father and son? Fun fact.

9:26 - Mrs. Brady just dropped an F bomb. That is awesome.

9:27 - I will say that was more tolerable to watch than when Chloris Leachman was on the show because there was SOME semblance of dance steps included. Bruno tells her that sometimes she seemed confused about the sequence of steps. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's because she couldn't remember. I mean come on people, she's 76.

9:32 - Florence gets an 18 out of 30.

9:33 - Man they sure do love to throw that word "legend" around on this show don't they. Next up is music "legend" Michael Bolton and Chelsie. I'm not surprised that he's not good at that. He isn't a dancer; he sits and sings terrible ballads.

9:37 - Yeah he was not good. Which is a bummer bc Chelsea is a really good dancer and I don't want her to get voted off soon. Sometimes I care more about the pros than the celebs. Sidenote, Michael Bolton still tours??? They get a 16 out of 30.

9:39 - Oh it is the man, the myth, the legend indeed - The Situation - whose dance background includes "many nights at the club with your girlfriend". He is so terribly awesome. They only have five days to train him while everyone else had three weeks because he was sequestered away by MTV filming Jersey Shore.

9:44 - Wow that was awful. Plus Len just made a pun involving the word "situation". Tally 1 for the season. I hope he gets voted off just so we don't have to hear that 4 times every week.

9:46 - So blah blah he had no time to rehearse blah blah. Also he has a shooting star shaved in the side of his head.

9:49 - 15 out of 30. Not a good situation. Bahaha I had to go there. I will say that he's a good interview in that he takes that part pretty seriously. And I think he is taking the dancing part seriously too but sadly the fist pump is not a part of many ballroom dances.

9:53 - Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough are up. She got emotional because her friend Patrick Swayze died so I hope she does well.

9:55 - OMG Carrie Ann is crying. That was a good dance though. They got a 24 out of 30 which is the highest score of the night. We might have our new early fave folks...

10:00 - And now. The Hoff.

10:02 - Oooooh. No bueno. Which is sad, again, because his partner Kym is awesome so I don't want her to get voted off right away either.

10:05 - Five across the board for the Hoff. Brooke Burke is SO BAD. Seriously she's the worst. Seriously this exchange just happened:
Brooke: Okay guys that's a 15 out of 30. How do you feel about that?
Hoff: Well 15 less than we wanted. Hahahaha.
Kym: (nervously laughs)
silence. literally nobody speaks.
Brooke: Oh. Okay. So if you want to vote...

And that's all folks! A surprisingly legit premiere show. On paper a lot of these celebs made it look like it would be a rough season to get through, but we have some early dark horses starting to emerge. Rick Fox, Kyle, Brandy and Jennifer Grey so far look like they could get really far in the competition. Audrina looked surprisingly good as well. I'll be anxious to see what the rest of the season brings!

Oscars Live Blog!

It's the Academy Awards! I started a little late as I was writing a baseball recap but made a few notes so we're almost right on time. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are co-hosting. Neil Patrick Harris introduced them by doing some kind of singing Vegas cabaret act. It was kind of weird and unnecessary but NPH is hilarious so it still worked. And now, let's get to the live stuff...

5:37 - Matt Damon sighting! Way to start the live blog off right ABC.

5:41 - Wow George Clooney. Don't look so thrilled to be there. We're all so sorry that you have to be at the fabulous Oscars wearing a fabulous tuxedo with your gorgeous Italian date.

5:42 - ANOTHER Matt Damon sighting. This is shaping up to be a fantastic Oscars night already.

5:43 - Is George Clooney trying to look funny? Because right now he just looks kind of irritated with them. Overall though, awesome opening.

5:45 - Penelope Cruz's dress is beautiful! She is presenting the award for Best Supporting Actor: Matt Damon for "Invictus", Woody Harrelson for "The Messenger", Christopher Plummer for "The Last Patient", Stanley Tucci for "The Lovely Bones", some guy from "Inglorious Bastards" (sorry I couldn't understand Penelope Cruz's pronunciation of his name). Guess who I'm rooting for.

5:48 - Oh man! Matt Damon did not win. It goes to the guy from Inglorious Bastards. BUT they show Matt Damon in the audience smiling so I'll take that.

5:56 - Wow Cameron Diaz's dress is beautiful too. Very princess-like. She and Steve Carell are presenting Best Animated Movie and they show a video where all of the main characters of each animated movie talk about what it would mean to them to win an Academy Award. It's cute. "Up" wins. I have that movie on my Netflix.

6:00 - Why is Miley Cyrus at the Oscars? Why? Man and unfortunately she is wearing a really pretty dress....aaaaand she just acted like a terrible immature 16 year old. That's the Miley we all know and love. Is it that hard to read off a teleprompter?

6:04 - A song from the movie "Crazy Heart" (which I have never heard of) just won and one of the winners just said he loves his wife more than rainbows.

6:14 - Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. do a pretty funny bit on how actors and writers "collaborate". Tina Fey's dress is really pretty but I don't like her hair. "The Hurt Locker" wins Best Original Screenplay.

6:17 - Molly Ringwald? When did she get famous again? Oooh she does not look good. She also appears to be a giant. Either that or Matthew Broderick is not very tall.

6:36 - So for literally this entire time Zoe Saldana and some other girl have been presenting Oscars for short films. Zoe Saldana's dress is awful. It starts out all beaded and sparkly at the top then shades from light purple to medium purple to dark purple and then has giant feathers all around the bottom. Not a fan.

6:38 - Aaaand Ben Stiller is presenting dressed as an Avatar character. James Cameron doesn't look too amused.

6:48 - Rachel McAdams is beautiful and her dress is amazing.

6:54 - I know I shouldn't say it, but I'm going to anyway. Another Matt Damon sighting.

6:55 - Okay and now we are finally getting to some awards I care about. Best Supporting Actress nominations are: Penelope Cruz for "Nine", the woman who plays opposite George Clooney in "Up in the Air", Maggie Gyllenhaal for "Crazy Heart" (her name might have more unnecessary vowels than mine), another actress from "Up in the Air" and Monique for "Precious".

6:59 - Monique wins. Let me tell you. She has classed herself up a lot. I'm really happy she won. Got a couple of goosebumps going. Good for her.

7:09 - Not a fan of Sarah Jessica Parker's outfit. Her hair is a little messy too. You'd think they would have fixed that before she went on to present.

7:18 - Oh good. People from Twilight. Taylor Lautner doesn't bother me so much because he acts like he actually cares. I just feel bad for him because he's 17 or something and all anyone does is talk about his bod.

7:22 - They are showing a horror movie montage and it is gross.

7:29 - John Travolta is nominated for an Academy Award? That has to just mean like in the past he was nominated a few times or something right because I'm pretty sure he wasn't even in a movie this year let alone one that would be up for an Oscar. So once you're nominated once, are you forever called an Academy Award nominee?

7:35 - Do you think it's weird that all the Harry Potter movies have been SO popular but haven't ever really won any Oscars? Let's Wikipedia that. Standby.

7:41 - Okay yes I am correct. Only three of the movies have even been nominated and it's just for artsy stuff, costume design, visual effects, stuff like that. But none have actually won an Oscar. Just struck me as weird.

7:45 - J. Lo looks like a giant Christmas present. And when did she get a semi-ghetto Jenny from the Block accent? She is helping to introduce some kind of dance troupe. This is a little odd but the dancing is very good so I don't mind.

7:55 - Avatar is starting to sneak up there and is winning some awards now as they just won for Best Visual Effects or something. I just don't feel like they're going to win Best Picture though. But I guess we'll see.

8:01 - OMG Matt Damon is presenting. Standby.

8:09 - Hey! Keanu Reeves! What has he been doing the last oh five years? Good to see you buddy!

8:15 - I'm getting bored. I thought these were supposed to be over in like 15 minutes? We still have to do best actor, best actress and best picture.

8:32 - Okay here we go. Best Actor goes to... Jeff Bridges. Not much to say here. He is a pretty classic old-time actor so I think everyone was expecting this to go to him. I'm kind of glad Clooney didn't win because he looked miserable the whole night.

Ha sooo I got on the phone so the live blog kind of came to a screeching halt. This should surprise no one. It was established this weekend that I have a slight tendency towards being a little ADD. But here's what happened:

Sandra Bullock won the Academy Award for Best Actress. I did not see that coming but I am really thrilled for her. That category was stacked with talent, but it's nice to see her break out from the typical roles she usually plays. She's a great actress and I think she's been typecast into playing only goofy chick-flick roles. I have yet to see The Blind Side but I will definitely be Netflixing it.

"The Hurt Locker" won Best Director which is the first female Best Director win in Oscar history. Plus she is James Cameron's ex-wife so that's kind of awesome.

Then "The Hurt Locker" won Best Picture and I was thrilled. Avatar was lame. I'm glad it won all the visual effects awards and the sound awards and all that but it had no real plot and nothing going for it except for the switching from real life to computerized characters.

All in all, it was a good show. We can get rid of all the technical awards and foreign film awards and cut it down to about two hours and I'd be okay with that. Great dresses. Everyone had a very Disney princess at the ball theme going which I am obviously a fan of. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin did a great job. ABC didn't plug any of their crappy TV shows by using their own people as presenters. Nice work Oscars. See you next year.

Grammys Live Blog

We're back with another live blog and this time we are heading to the Grammys. Once again, we'll see how long we last but I feel like this will hold my interest for a lot longer than some of the other award shows.

Here are some early predictions:
- Taylor Swift, Beyonce and Lady Gaga will have big nights
- The "Avatar-like" Michael Jackson tribute will be weird. Why is this necessary? The "Avatar" element, not the Michael Jackson tribute.
- I think Steven Colbert is hosting and, if so, he will be hilarious.

Let's go!

7:00 - I have my wine and my little frozen lasagna dinner complete with Texas Toast. If you have not tried Texas Toast, you should do so immediately.

7:02 - Lady Gaga opens the show with a performance. She is in a green sequined unitard and they just put her into some sort of cauldron. Some guy keeps yelling she's a monster. And she comes out sitting at a piano with Elton John and the piano has arms coming out of it. She is a weirdo but let me tell you she is a legit musician.

7:07 - Taylor Swift looks beeeeeeautiful.

7:11 - Stephen Colbert's opening monologue is just okay except then he goes to to announce the nominees for Song of the Year and can't find the list. Then he pulls an iPad out of his jacket and asks Jay Z "You didn't get one of these in your gift bag?" That one was good.

7:12 - "Single Ladies" wins Song of the Year. That seems fitting to me considering how many people decided to learn the "Single Ladies Dance".

7:14 - Jennifer Lopez tells us that there is a show about to hit Broadway called "American Idiot" and I'm pretty sure it somehow involves Green Day songs. What? Come on Broadway. So now we're watching the cast of this show and Green Day perform together. It's time like these that I wish I had a DVR again.

7:18 - While waiting for this performance to be over, I mean listening, I Wikipedia-ed this American Idiot Broadway play. So apparently there is some sort of storyline that runs throughout the American Idiot album and they've taken that and turned it into a Broadway production. Still weird.

7:22 - Taylor Swift has eight nominations tonight. Beyonce is going to perform in nine minutes. Also the Michael Jackson tribute will feature Carrie Underwood, Jennifer Hudson, Smokey Robinson and Usher among others. I love Usher. He is the original Chris Brown/Ne-Yo.

7:24 - Kristin Bell just said that Bon Jovi is performing on the Grammys for the first time ever tonight. We get to vote on which song they'll sing. Apparently Bon Jovi is that good that we can just tell them oh hey sing this one 20 minutes before they're supposed to go on and they'll get it done.

7:25 - Taylor Swift wins her first Grammy of the night. Cue completely shocked face. Also she is like 6-3. Aaaand I take back what I said about her dress being beautiful. But I still like her, especially after she said she wrote every song on her album. That is real talent. Great speech too.

7:27 - I guess having the show on your station lets CBS use stars from their own crappy TV shows to present. And now...Beyonce.

7:29 - Aaaand while singing "If I Were a Boy" she grabbed her crotch. Um ok.

7:30 - I don't know how these female singers can perform in these 5-inch stilletos. She is rocking some serious heels and just runs around the stage like it ain't no thang.

7:32 - Wait. Why is singing an Alanis Morrisette song? Was this on her album? I don't understand. Standby while I Wikipedia this.

7:33 - Ok no. She just decided to incorporate "You Oughta Know" into the middle of her performance. I don't get it. Overall it was a solid performance though. Girl can wail that's for sure. Sometimes she just needs to take the energy down juuuuust a notch.

7:37 - I think I have never been to an Olive Garden as an adult because their commercials are TERRIBLE. Seriously the worst.

7:39 - Seal comes out to present and they cut to Heidi Klum in the audience. That sounds about right.

7:40 - Geez another performance. Pink. Or as my brother, sister and I call her Pink the Man. Seriously she looks like a man.

7:42 - Wooooooooah. Ok so she just derobed and is in a nude colored leotard thing with some sparkles and now she is doing aerialist acrobatics.

7:44 - And she just submerged herself in water so now she's wet and spinning in this giant hammock 20 feet in the air. This is a weird performance.

7:45 - Wow she's getting a standing ovation. I did not see that coming.

7:46 - Next up is the award for Best New Artist an award that should also be called "Best New We Only Had One Song This Year That Anyone Knows". Zac Brown Band wins. How nice of them to get dressed up for the occasion. One of them is in a skull cap and they are all in jeans.

7:53 - As if the Black Eyed Peas weren't everywhere as it was , they are now doing Target commercials. I blame Jess who can't even defend herself because she doesn't read my blog. Mwahaha.

7:54 - Miley Cyrus introduces the Black Eyes Peas. Fergie is wearing a leotard made out of armor and a visor. Also why is she rapping? She acts all hard whenever she performs and she's not at all. Her real name is Stacey and she used to be on Kids Incorporated ok? Give it up Fergie, we are all on to you. I think I am over the Black Eyed Peas.

7:58 - Their back up dancers are dressed like giant radios. How do you think those auditions went? "Hey listen so put these giant cardboard boxes on your arms and on your legs like shinguards. Okay now jump up and down. Okay good now walk. Excellent. Okay well that's all we've got for you for today. We'll be in touch."

8:05 - The Jo Bros introduce Lady Antebellum. I really like this band. I bought their new CD on iTunes and it's really good. They're singing "I Need You Now." Ha and their backdrop just fell down and got caught on the female singer's head. Not planned.

8:06 - So the Jo Bros told us that they already won twice tonight. Wouldn't you be pissed if some record exec was like "Oh by the way you won. Here's your Grammy" instead of getting all the pomp and circumstance and getting to give a speech on national television? I mean I guess at the end of the day you're still winning your award. But if it were me I'd want a big deal made out of me. Just sayin.

8:09 - And we're actually going to watch someone win Best Comedy Album? I guess so.

8:10 - Oh Stephen Colbert wins. Okay I get it now. He's hosting so that's what this makes sense. Wait. No I still don't understand why any of us should care about this award.

8:11 - The Lady Gaga-Beyonce-Taylor Swift showdown is about to commence in five minutes. And OMG the only talented Jonas Brother is doing a Target commercial too. What the hell Jess? Can't you do something about this?

8:18 - Woah. So the first upset of the night. Kings of Leon win Record of the Year for "Use Somebody" over Taylor, Beyonce or Gaga. Weird. Ha but they just said that they're a little drunk so that's awesome.

8:21 - Jamie Foxx is performing Blame It and they've cut to Rihanna and Jay Z singing along. I'm just sayin they could also be showing Keith Urban jamming to T Pain and Jamie Foxx. Maybe he's a fan. Except they did just show Fergie and her husband Josh Duhamel had this really confused look on his face.

8:23 - T Pain is not wearing a top hat. That disappoints me. You know what does not disappoint ever? I'm On A Boat:



8:31 - Sorry I went to get a snack. And by snack I mean more wine.

8:32 - Katy Perry's dress is awful.

8:33 - Green Day wins Best Rock Album. Not that interested.

8:39 - Zack Brown Band has been performing with some super old guy. Not much to say really. Except how did it get to become called the Zack Brown Band. Are the other guys' names so terrible that nobody else's was even an option? I mean sure something like "The Amanda Piechowski Band" is going to be a little hard to fit on a CD cover but how does one guy get to represent the whole band.

8:45 - Seacrest introduces Taylor Swift. If I were Taylor Swift I would vehemently oppose him introducing me. I'd pick someone hot. Like Derek from Dancing with the Stars or David Beckham. They have as much to do with the Grammys as Seacrest does so why not? Come on you're Taylor Swift - the world is literally your oyster right now. Go big baby.

8:53 - Okay I do not understand what is happening. Lionel Richie is introducing Celine Dion, Jennifer Hudson, Smokey Robinson, Carrie Underwood and Usher who are going to sing one of Michael Jackson's song and CBS just told me to put my 3D glasses on. How did I not get the memo that there was going to be a 3D portion of the show? How am I supposed to do my readers justice if I am not fully experiencing every aspect of this show?

8:57 - Everyone in the audience is wearing 3D glasses. Rihanna looks very serious in hers. Celine Dion still has a legit voice. I wish Usher was dancing during this performance. Carrie Underwood is beautiful. I don't really care about Jennifer Hudson or Smokey Robinson unfortunately.

8:59 - That was good. Wish I could have seen it in 3D. Everyone is on their feet as expected. OH SHIT it's his kids. OMG this is epic.

9:01 - OMG TAKE THE CAMERA OFF THE JO BROS FOR PETE'S SAKE.

9:09 - Bon Jovi's performance is up. I can't believe they've never performed on the Grammys before. Five bucks says the "fan vote" song is "Livin on a Prayer".

9:13 - Aaand someone owes me five bucks.

9:17 - OMG "I'm on a Boat" is actually nominated for a Grammy for Best Rap/Sung Collaboration. But "Run This Town" wins with Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye.

9:26 - Mary J. Blige and Andrea Bocelli are singing a song together for Haitian relief. Should be a good one.

9:35 - I'm losing interest Grammys. Too many performances and not enough awards and speeches.

9:41 - Nice. Nothin like a little DMB performance. This song is great.

9:46 - Hooray Glee! Rachel from Glee is presenting alongside... Ricky Martin? Beyonce wins Female Pop Vocal Performance for Halo. Her dress is terrible. Aaaand she just referred to Jay Z as her husband and told them that she loves him. That is the first time either one has ever acknowledged that they got married. I mean it's not like nobody knows but they've just always kept it really under wraps.

10:00 - I always like these "In Memoriam" montages that they do. Completely forgot that DJ AM passed away. But I always usually know a couple people, mainly because of my parents talking about them.

10:03 - Lady Gaga looks like the Empire State Building. Did you know she's only 23? I just don't really get it with her. This whole gimmick with her outfits and hats and masks and all that.

10:16 - This Drake/Lil Wayne/Eminem performance is awesome. Sidenote: Drake is a pretty good looking guy. I might be a Drake fan after this.

10:23 - John Legend and Santana are presenting the final award of the night for Album of the Year. Here we go...

10:24 - Wow. Taylor Swift wins it. Unbelievable. Man I have to say though good for her. I should do a post on her because talk about someone who could really be a role model for young girls everywhere. She's one of my new favorite celebs.

So to wrap up here are my final thoughts:
- Congrats to Taylor Swift but I would have liked to see Lady Gaga win an award. I think she's doing some pretty cool things in the music business. Maybe next year.
- The show was way too full of performances, I'm sorry. They showed literally like 7 actual awards be given out in a 3.5 hour show.
- Next year I think I need to do a blog about the fashion before the show. E! always does an On the Red Carpet show before all these awards shows and there were some ridic outfits that I would have loved to have commented on.

Thanks for playing.