First a text exchange between me and my sister:
My sister: If Katy Perry wins a Grammy tonight I'm boycotting radio.
Me: If Justin Bieber fever wins, me too.
So right out of the gate you know where my sister and I stand on who should not win tonight.
8:01 - We are opening with a tribute to Aretha Franklin and the first person out onto the stage is... LL Cool J? He and his Kangol hat are yelling about how awesome Aretha Franklin is. Wow, Mr. Cool J please stop yelling at me.
8:03 - Maybe if the National Anthem was an Aretha Franklin jam Christina Aguilera would have sang it better and not forget the words. Hey ooooo
8:04 - Why is Christina Aguilera leading this tribute when JENNIFER HUDSON is standing right next to her? I would rather see her and her bangin Jenny Craig body sing these songs 100 times over.
8:05 - Oh good they're all taking turns. J Hud was just clapping for Christina Aguilera's performance but she totally had a look in her eye like "Ha! Just wait til I get the mic."
8:06 - Ok so Yolanda Adams (gospel singer), Martina McBride (country diva with a giant voice), Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson and... Florence from Florence and the Machine?
8:15 - Jennifer Hudson wins the diva off.
8:25 - Oh my God Ricky Martin is wearing jeggings. Oh and he's introducing Gaga so that's fitting. Very, very tight fitting.
8:26 - Alright, here she comes to perform her brand new song. Which isn't exactly a surprise anymore because she released it Friday and it got slammed for sounding like Madonna's "Express Yourself".
8:31 - Wow. I couldn't even type anything. I was pretty transfixed by that. Here are my thoughts:
- GREAT performance. Her voice is super legit and she just sang and didn't do anything weird and I liked that.
- Did you see this egg on the red carpet thing? Yes THIS is how she entered. I also discussed this with my sister. She is fascinated but thinks that people are getting tired of her and frankly I could take it or leave it. One of these days she should just wear a dress and walk like a normal person on the red carpet and then people would really flip out.
- I feel bad that she is very very proud of this song and it has such a great message and yet people are more concerned about the fact that ::gasp:: it sounds like this other one from 25 years ago.
- I still can't believe she wore a dress made out of meat.
8:37 - How CUTE is Blake Shelton introducing Miranda Lambert? She looks amazing while she performs this song.
8:42 - Lenny Kravitz is still relevant enough to present at the Grammys? I think he and Ricky Martin went shopping for Grammy jeggings together...
8:43 - Another performance. I made this same complaint last year I think but I'm 40 minutes into my DVR recording and there's only been one actual award given out.
8:45 - My boy Seacrest is introducing Bruno Mars, B-O-B and a girl I've never heard of. B-O-B is wearing a freakin monocle you guys. Like the monopoly man. That's how you know you've made it. Also, I thought Bruno Mars got busted for cocaine possession? Meh, come perform at the Grammys anyway bro. That too is a sign that you've made it.
8:48 - Either my TV is really really that old and terrible or they just switched to a black and white telecast. There really is a 50-50 chance that it's my TV...
|Yep. This is my TV. Contain your jealousy.|
8:50 - Oh what? An actual award? Oh that is why we're here isn't it. Best Country Female Vocal is up now. Miranda Lambert wins.
8:57 - Uh ooooooh. Bieber Fever is about to hit the Grammys! Somehow Justin Bieber got to perform for Usher in 2007 and now he's international. And now they're singing a duet on the Grammys.
9:01 - Usher. What are you doing man? Performing with the Biebs and Will Smith's kid? But thank you for actually singing which is something your boy Bieber didn't feel he needed to do on the Grammys.
9:05 - Here's the thing about Justin Bieber. I saw him on Ellen and I was starting to buy into it a little. I had like a Bieber stuffed up nose if you will. Not quite the fever is what I'm getting at. Anyway, he's very humble, very well composed, very well spoken and very gracious for a 16 year old in the business. Miley Cyrus I'm looking at you. He plays the drums really well and also plays guitar and keyboard - he's legit talented. And then he lip synched on the Grammy awards. So close JB. We were so close.
9:09 - Donny Wahlberg is presenting with Selena Gomez. I guarantee you Selena Gomez has no idea she's standing next to a member of the greatest band of all time NKOTB.
9:10 - Lady Gaga wins Best Pop Vocal Album over Bieber, Katy Perry and - ouch - John Mayer. She seems legitimately shocked and thankful so good for her. Also she thanked Whitney Houston and I'm fine with that because no matter what you say about Whitney, she was a diva and I wanted to be her when I was in the fifth grade.
9:14 - Didn't need the Letterman Top 10. That could have cut out like 5 minutes of this THREE AND A HALF HOUR SHOW.
9:14 - Bob Dylan is performing with two groups I've never heard of. This first group is Mumford and Sons and they are like angry bluegrass rock or something. There's a banjo and a cello but they're talking about a noose around their neck and their growing fears and headbanging. The moral of the story: the lead singer is smoking hot.
9:22 - Lady Antebellum is performing now. Apparently they've already won two awards tonight. Why didn't we see any of that? I'm annoyed.
9:26 - Oooh an award finally. Best Country Album goes to Lady Antebellum. They are pretty awesome.
9:29 - Cee-Lo Green and Gwyneth Paltrow are performing together. Wow. Get Gwyneth Paltrow on one episode of Glee and next thing you know...
9:29 - I can't even explain Cee Lo Green's outfit right now. Gaga has some competition.
9:32 - Gwyneth Paltrow is in a SERIOUS outfit right now. Basically a black unitard cut super low in front with some 8-inch stilletos. How do these women pull off these heels!?
9:35 - NPH introduces Katy Perry. I follow him on Twitter and would rather listen to him talk for 3 minutes and make jokes than hear Katy Perry sing.
9:37 - Are those her wedding pictures? Lord.
9:39 - I want a sparkly microphone for when I sing the anthem at the UC Davis women's hoops game in a few weeks.
9:43 - Song of the Year is up next and Lady Antebellum's "Need You Now" wins again!
9:46 - Seth Rogen just introduced Eminem. There's some kind of irony or something in there somewhere.
9:52 - Wow THAT was sick. Performance of the night for sure. Go Youtube that if you didn't watch it: Eminem, Rihanna, Dr. Dre. That was amazing.
9:54 - Best New Artist is up next aaaand someone I've never heard of just won it. Esperanza Spalding? Not a clue but her speech was good.
9:56 - Mick Jagger has never performed at the Grammys? He's like 103.
10:01 - Mick Jagger's performance came immediately after the In Memoriam tribute slideshow. Interesting juxtaposition there CBS.
10:03 - I'm losing interest and fast forwarding and there is still like 45 minutes left. Longest awards show ever.
10:07 - The incomparable Barbra Streisand just wowed the crowd with an amazing performance and next up is Nikki Minaj and Will I Am. Nikki Minaj is dressed like this:
I am ashamed of my generation.
10:11 - Why is Rihanna performing AGAIN? Honestly did we need all of these performances? Drake is super hot though so I'll watch.
10:16 - Record of the Year is up now. J Lo and Marc Anthony just bickered their way through presenting and the Grammy goes to Lady Antebellum AGAIN! Wow this is quite the surprise.
10:18 - Okay I am giving up. I already know who one Album of the Year thanks to Twitter. This post is getting boring, the cat is getting to be a maniac. It's time to wrap things up. Hope you all enjoyed the live blog.
The Oscars are coming!