Ridiculous stuff keeps popping up everywhere in the celeb gossip world so it's time to dish out some awards. I think my awards are slowly becoming a news and notes section though...
The Nobody Cares Award
And the winner is: Carrie Underwood and her fiancee
Did the three media outlets who ran this story on the front page of their websites this morning not get the memo that she is kissing her FIANCEE? There is no scandal here. There is nothing to report on here. She won a bunch of awards at the CMT Awards or whatever they're called, ere go she celebrates by smooching on the man she is going to marry. So I don't get why this is newsworthy. Thanks.
The You're So Scandalous. Not. Award
And the winner is: Miley Cyrus
Accepting this award is my friend Carey:
OMG Miley. I am so sick of her. I get she needs to do the grown up thing and it's hard being a teen and then moving towards womanhood. But never is it okay to wear a see through dress. Not even at the beach.
The Crazy Award
And the winner is: Danielle from the Real Housewives of New Jersey
Most of you who read the blog probably don't know who this is but suffice it to say that she is nuts. Luckily for us her antics have all been broadcast on Bravo for the past few weeks, including when she showed up to a charity dinner with a full entourage of bodyguards, including leaders from the Hell's Angels. Cool. Most recently (and what the link above refers to) is a leaked sex tape that she seems way too comfortable with. It's true that as a "celebrity", there are going to be people who will cash in on your fame by whatever means necessary. But I thought sex tapes were a bad thing? Kendra didn't seem too pleased about hers. So for her to straight up say that she hopes it sells more than Kendra's is a little weird. Furthermore, the fact that there is a set release date is also strange. I feel like things like this just kind of happen... unless someone is behind the whole thing... someone like Danielle herself? Scandal. Can't wait to see all of this unfold on a future episode of RHONJ.
The Lady Gaga Award
And the winner is: Lady Gaga (who did you think would get it?)
She's so weird she deserves her own award. I just don't get it with her, namely with all of these outfits and gimmicks. I've heard she's a very talented musician and while I don't personally care for her music or performances, I can respect that other people say she's legit. So why are these get ups necessary? Why not just grab everyone's attention with the awesome music you make? But I guess then that wouldn't put you in the headlines every day would it?
The I Have Way Too Much Money Award
And the winner is: Celine Dion
I briefly mentioned this a few award posts ago but now that new information has come out, I have to touch on it again. I will tell you, this is an awesome way to spend the bazillions of dollars that Celine Dion has in her checking account. A water park never goes out of style.
The best part of this story is the fact that she used so much water to construct Raging Canadian Waters (terrible play on words attempt) that there ended up being a drought on the super-exclusive island where her house and water wonderland are. She tried to fix the problem by building her own personal wells on her property but people are still angry about that too I guess. One angry neighbor said they didn't know how she could have been approved for the wells since the government is usually pretty strict about stuff like that. Here's how: because she's Celine freakin' Dion and her water park WILL go on...
Sidenote: A "Celebs Have Way Too Much Money" weekly or maybe daily post could become a new feature on Livin' the Dream even though I'm terrible at features. However, I'm trying to post shorter entries more often so this might be a good way to do that. Stay tuned.
Showing posts with label awards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label awards. Show all posts
6.10.2010
5.11.2010
Awards Time!
So I've been laid up with strep since Saturday and I'm finally starting to feel like a human again. I don't have a real explanation for the days and days of not blogging before Saturday but hopefully these next few posts make up for it.
First, let's ease back into the swing of things with some awards.
The Oh Thank God Award
And the winner is: the baby that Mariah Carey is NOT having
Accepting this award is Nick Cannon - shocking
Hey, look. My wife, Mariah... you know, Mariah Carey... yeah she's my wife. Well she's the most beautiful, the most talented and the most incredible person. Ever. On this planet. She's Mariah! It's not the right time for us to have kids. I mean my beautiful wife Mariah is only 40 and she's still making records and movies and a lot more money than I'm making right now. So who am I to stop her from making all that money so I can continue to live this awesome life. I love my wife. I'm Nick Cannon... and I'm hilaaaarious.
The Why I Really Need to Become a Pop Star Award
And the winner is: Celine Dion's backyard water park
Accepting this award is Celine Dion
Prendre ce Oprah. Je suis hors.
Translating her acceptance speech is her translator:
Take that Oprah. I'm out.
The Why Doesn't This Shit Ever Happen to Me Award
And the winner is: this random chick who is getting married and so somehow gets Oprah to have Justin Timberlake to come teach her golf
Accepting this award is me... yes me Amanda.
This is going to sound terrible but this woman is not dying, she's not terminally ill and hasn't really had any other life-altering situation hit her besides these two things: 1 - she's been in love with JT since she was 12 and 2 - she's about to get married. That is it. I don't get it. I mean have you heard me talk about Michael Owen? I've loved him since I was in the eighth grade. it's real and it's deep so listen up Oprah. I know he's a washed up EPL star but I'm sure we can still arrange something in light of my recent budding indoor soccer career. I also have some pretty mild obsessions going with a lot of other celebrities so if you need me to get you a list Oprah, that can be done too. Thanks.
The OMG! Not. Award
And the winner is: the "news" that preseason tickets for the next Twilight movie will go on sale soon
Accepting this award is Kristin Stewart who plays Bella in Twilight
Uh... yeah I guess it's cool. I mean sure. It's whatever really. I don't pay attention to it really even if it's made me a millionaire over night. I don't really get it but yeah it's cool I guess. I mean it's the physical manifestation of these tickets that is really awesome.
(Seriously, this is how she talks.)
First, let's ease back into the swing of things with some awards.
The Oh Thank God Award
And the winner is: the baby that Mariah Carey is NOT having
Accepting this award is Nick Cannon - shocking
Hey, look. My wife, Mariah... you know, Mariah Carey... yeah she's my wife. Well she's the most beautiful, the most talented and the most incredible person. Ever. On this planet. She's Mariah! It's not the right time for us to have kids. I mean my beautiful wife Mariah is only 40 and she's still making records and movies and a lot more money than I'm making right now. So who am I to stop her from making all that money so I can continue to live this awesome life. I love my wife. I'm Nick Cannon... and I'm hilaaaarious.
The Why I Really Need to Become a Pop Star Award
And the winner is: Celine Dion's backyard water park
Accepting this award is Celine Dion
Prendre ce Oprah. Je suis hors.
Translating her acceptance speech is her translator:
Take that Oprah. I'm out.
The Why Doesn't This Shit Ever Happen to Me Award
And the winner is: this random chick who is getting married and so somehow gets Oprah to have Justin Timberlake to come teach her golf
Accepting this award is me... yes me Amanda.
This is going to sound terrible but this woman is not dying, she's not terminally ill and hasn't really had any other life-altering situation hit her besides these two things: 1 - she's been in love with JT since she was 12 and 2 - she's about to get married. That is it. I don't get it. I mean have you heard me talk about Michael Owen? I've loved him since I was in the eighth grade. it's real and it's deep so listen up Oprah. I know he's a washed up EPL star but I'm sure we can still arrange something in light of my recent budding indoor soccer career. I also have some pretty mild obsessions going with a lot of other celebrities so if you need me to get you a list Oprah, that can be done too. Thanks.
The OMG! Not. Award
And the winner is: the "news" that preseason tickets for the next Twilight movie will go on sale soon
Accepting this award is Kristin Stewart who plays Bella in Twilight
Uh... yeah I guess it's cool. I mean sure. It's whatever really. I don't pay attention to it really even if it's made me a millionaire over night. I don't really get it but yeah it's cool I guess. I mean it's the physical manifestation of these tickets that is really awesome.
(Seriously, this is how she talks.)
4.07.2010
Awards Time!
Oh hey look I'm actually going to write something! Time for some awards!
The Get a Life Award
And the award goes to: Demi Moore
Accepting this award is Demi Moore
"Above everyone else I want to thank Twitter for giving me this new forum to speak out against the cruel injustices of this world. Kim Kardashian is a celebrity and she needs to realize the kind of influence she has when she uses words like 'pimpin'. I mean I know Jay-Z titled a song "Big Pimpin' and about 95% of all rap songs use this word, and they are just as much in the wrong as Kim Kardashian is. Because I'm not making movies and nobody cares anymore that I'm married to Ashton Kutcher yet still keep a weird super friendly relationship with my ex-husband, I've turned my attentions towards much bigger issues, like this one and firing back at reporters who call my teenage daughter out for wearing tiny skirts. Seriously. Thank you Twitter for allowing me to continue to stay relevant."
The Don't You Have a Real Job? Award
And the winner is: Chad Ochocinco
Accepting this award is Chad's agent
"If TO can do it, so can we. Get YOUR popcorn ready Terrell. Peace."
The Never Let a Man Be In Charge Award
And the winner is: this guy
Accepting this award is that guy's wife
"I guess it could have been worse. I mean he could have a name like Nick Saban Redd. Oh wait. Someone already did that? Oh see now THAT could have been really embarassing."
The Good Luck with That Award
And the winner is: Jon Gosselin
Accepting this award is Jon Gosselin's lawyer
"Kate Gosselin's complete abandonment of her children to go perform on some reality show is just an atrocity. My client would never do that to his children and for that reason we are fighting for him to get custody. His jetting off to Paris with a 25-year-old a week after the divorce is announced was just an opportunity for him to expand his network for what is sure to be an extremely lucrative clothing line or TV show or something. His "bachelor pad" in New York as some have called it will be a great home for all eight of his children. I mean have you ever heard of a Murphy bed? He was forced to countersue TLC to protect his children. Sure he lost his gig on the show and thus has no paycheck right now, but clearly he was doing it out of concern and love for his kids. Any other parent would do the same I'm sure. And I promise you. This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his most recent 25-year-old girlfriend dumped him and kicked him out of her parents' house in Utah. He has come to realize just how important his children are to him and we will fight until we get them back."
The Thanks for That Award
And the winner is: Donald Trump
Accepting this award is Donald Trump
"Yeah I've only briefly met Jesse James and no I've never actually met Sandra Bullock, but who cares? I'm Donald Trump. Have you seen my hair? Doesn't everyone want to know what I think all the time? Watch out Jon Gosselin's custody battle... you're next."
The Get a Life Award
And the award goes to: Demi Moore
Accepting this award is Demi Moore
"Above everyone else I want to thank Twitter for giving me this new forum to speak out against the cruel injustices of this world. Kim Kardashian is a celebrity and she needs to realize the kind of influence she has when she uses words like 'pimpin'. I mean I know Jay-Z titled a song "Big Pimpin' and about 95% of all rap songs use this word, and they are just as much in the wrong as Kim Kardashian is. Because I'm not making movies and nobody cares anymore that I'm married to Ashton Kutcher yet still keep a weird super friendly relationship with my ex-husband, I've turned my attentions towards much bigger issues, like this one and firing back at reporters who call my teenage daughter out for wearing tiny skirts. Seriously. Thank you Twitter for allowing me to continue to stay relevant."
The Don't You Have a Real Job? Award
And the winner is: Chad Ochocinco
Accepting this award is Chad's agent
"If TO can do it, so can we. Get YOUR popcorn ready Terrell. Peace."
The Never Let a Man Be In Charge Award
And the winner is: this guy
Accepting this award is that guy's wife
"I guess it could have been worse. I mean he could have a name like Nick Saban Redd. Oh wait. Someone already did that? Oh see now THAT could have been really embarassing."
The Good Luck with That Award
And the winner is: Jon Gosselin
Accepting this award is Jon Gosselin's lawyer
"Kate Gosselin's complete abandonment of her children to go perform on some reality show is just an atrocity. My client would never do that to his children and for that reason we are fighting for him to get custody. His jetting off to Paris with a 25-year-old a week after the divorce is announced was just an opportunity for him to expand his network for what is sure to be an extremely lucrative clothing line or TV show or something. His "bachelor pad" in New York as some have called it will be a great home for all eight of his children. I mean have you ever heard of a Murphy bed? He was forced to countersue TLC to protect his children. Sure he lost his gig on the show and thus has no paycheck right now, but clearly he was doing it out of concern and love for his kids. Any other parent would do the same I'm sure. And I promise you. This has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his most recent 25-year-old girlfriend dumped him and kicked him out of her parents' house in Utah. He has come to realize just how important his children are to him and we will fight until we get them back."
The Thanks for That Award
And the winner is: Donald Trump
Accepting this award is Donald Trump
"Yeah I've only briefly met Jesse James and no I've never actually met Sandra Bullock, but who cares? I'm Donald Trump. Have you seen my hair? Doesn't everyone want to know what I think all the time? Watch out Jon Gosselin's custody battle... you're next."
3.17.2010
Time for Some Awards
We're back with awards! Sidenote, I just started to manually code the HTML for the link to the first award. Can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing...
The Good Luck with that Award
And the winner is: Amy Winehouse's new clothing line
Accepting this award is a representative from Fred Perry:
"Now I know that when you think of Amy Winehouse, the words 'good taste' don't really come to mind but I'm here to tell you that we at Fred Perry think that we are really on to something. Sure her signature look can probably best be described as white trash meets drug addict but we at Fred Perry think that edgy with lots of attitude and yes maybe even sexy is a much more accurate description. I mean think about it. From her hair to her cutoff jean shorts to walking around with her bra hanging out, she's what we like to call an up and comer in the fashion industry. Who wouldn't want to have one of these signature Amy Winehouse looks as you're very own? Get on board the Amy Winehouse train America because it stops for no one!"
The Let's Calm Down Award
And the winner is: Jessica Simpson
Accepting this award is Jessica Simpson:
"I will not calm down. I mean I'm 29 people. I might as well be one foot in the grave when it comes to settling down. I really could die alone any day now. I just don't understand why this is so hard for me. I mean it's not like I'm picking dbag guys to date and fall in love with. Nick Lachey and I had a really happy marriage and putting it all on a reality show on MTV should have strengthened our marriage bond so I don't understand what went wrong there still. John Mayer and Tony Romo both seemed like really standup guys who wouldn't ever hurt me or ever be attracted to other women so I'm still so confused as to why I'm alone! No I take that back. You know what? It is hard to be a superstar like me and to try and have a normal life. I just have no idea how people like Carrie Underwood and Kim Kardashian and Katy Perry, just to name a few, manage to find happiness and a really good relationship while being so successful. It's just so hard being me."
The It's Already Starting Award
And the winner is: Kate Gosselin's "Dancing with the Stars" drama
Accepting this award is Kate Gosselin:
"First of all, everyone should vote for me on Dancing with the Stars which starts Monday. You know, it's like I said on my People magazine cover - why can't moms have fun too? My eight children who just saw me go through a really bad public divorce between me and my dbag husband that was barely finalized three months ago will totally understand that it was worth me leaving them in the care of five nannies three days a week for three months when they see me lift that mirror ball trophy. Their teachers who they are lashing out at will understand and so will their therapists in about 15 years. I have awesome new hair now and it deserves to be seen all over the country. Plus, how am I supposed to keep paying for my tanning sessions and 1.2 million dollar house without a little extra income? So see, you could even say I'm doing this FOR my kids."
The Everyone Saw This Coming Award
And the winner is: Jennifer Love Hewitt's break up from Jamie Kennedy
Neither Jamie Kennedy nor Jennifer Love Hewitt were able to be here to accept this award tonight. Jamie Kennedy is at home lamenting the loss of the only thing to get him back in the public eye in the last five years while Jennifer Love Hewitt is back on the market and couldn't attend. We at Livin the Dream gladly accept this award on their behalf.
The Spencer's Back! Award
And the winner is: Spencer Pratt
Accepting this award is Spencer Pratt:
"You didn't seriously think I would just go away did you? Hell no. I let Heidi have her moment and she did pretty well. It was the least I could do for my wife you know? But it's time to reclaim my throne as the prince of Hollywood gossip so I figured what better way than to spin a story about my rage issues than to say that I'm joining the cyber security division at American Defense Enterprise? Not a single one of you even blinked an eye at that article either which is the best part. I knew it'd be believable considering all you see me do on the show is sit on my ass and surf the Internet and you all played right into my hands with that one. And don't you worry. Sure I'll be MIA for a little bit but trust me I will be back. And you'll know it."
The Interesting Career Move Award
And the winner is: Mike Tyson's new gig as a pigeon racing trainer
Mike Tyson also could not be here to accept this award but he's sent a video promotion for his upcoming TV show that will document his work as a pigeon racing trainer. (Joke courtesy of Phil)
The Good Luck with that Award
And the winner is: Amy Winehouse's new clothing line
Accepting this award is a representative from Fred Perry:
"Now I know that when you think of Amy Winehouse, the words 'good taste' don't really come to mind but I'm here to tell you that we at Fred Perry think that we are really on to something. Sure her signature look can probably best be described as white trash meets drug addict but we at Fred Perry think that edgy with lots of attitude and yes maybe even sexy is a much more accurate description. I mean think about it. From her hair to her cutoff jean shorts to walking around with her bra hanging out, she's what we like to call an up and comer in the fashion industry. Who wouldn't want to have one of these signature Amy Winehouse looks as you're very own? Get on board the Amy Winehouse train America because it stops for no one!"
The Let's Calm Down Award
And the winner is: Jessica Simpson
Accepting this award is Jessica Simpson:
"I will not calm down. I mean I'm 29 people. I might as well be one foot in the grave when it comes to settling down. I really could die alone any day now. I just don't understand why this is so hard for me. I mean it's not like I'm picking dbag guys to date and fall in love with. Nick Lachey and I had a really happy marriage and putting it all on a reality show on MTV should have strengthened our marriage bond so I don't understand what went wrong there still. John Mayer and Tony Romo both seemed like really standup guys who wouldn't ever hurt me or ever be attracted to other women so I'm still so confused as to why I'm alone! No I take that back. You know what? It is hard to be a superstar like me and to try and have a normal life. I just have no idea how people like Carrie Underwood and Kim Kardashian and Katy Perry, just to name a few, manage to find happiness and a really good relationship while being so successful. It's just so hard being me."
The It's Already Starting Award
And the winner is: Kate Gosselin's "Dancing with the Stars" drama
Accepting this award is Kate Gosselin:
"First of all, everyone should vote for me on Dancing with the Stars which starts Monday. You know, it's like I said on my People magazine cover - why can't moms have fun too? My eight children who just saw me go through a really bad public divorce between me and my dbag husband that was barely finalized three months ago will totally understand that it was worth me leaving them in the care of five nannies three days a week for three months when they see me lift that mirror ball trophy. Their teachers who they are lashing out at will understand and so will their therapists in about 15 years. I have awesome new hair now and it deserves to be seen all over the country. Plus, how am I supposed to keep paying for my tanning sessions and 1.2 million dollar house without a little extra income? So see, you could even say I'm doing this FOR my kids."
The Everyone Saw This Coming Award
And the winner is: Jennifer Love Hewitt's break up from Jamie Kennedy
Neither Jamie Kennedy nor Jennifer Love Hewitt were able to be here to accept this award tonight. Jamie Kennedy is at home lamenting the loss of the only thing to get him back in the public eye in the last five years while Jennifer Love Hewitt is back on the market and couldn't attend. We at Livin the Dream gladly accept this award on their behalf.
The Spencer's Back! Award
And the winner is: Spencer Pratt
Accepting this award is Spencer Pratt:
"You didn't seriously think I would just go away did you? Hell no. I let Heidi have her moment and she did pretty well. It was the least I could do for my wife you know? But it's time to reclaim my throne as the prince of Hollywood gossip so I figured what better way than to spin a story about my rage issues than to say that I'm joining the cyber security division at American Defense Enterprise? Not a single one of you even blinked an eye at that article either which is the best part. I knew it'd be believable considering all you see me do on the show is sit on my ass and surf the Internet and you all played right into my hands with that one. And don't you worry. Sure I'll be MIA for a little bit but trust me I will be back. And you'll know it."
The Interesting Career Move Award
And the winner is: Mike Tyson's new gig as a pigeon racing trainer
Mike Tyson also could not be here to accept this award but he's sent a video promotion for his upcoming TV show that will document his work as a pigeon racing trainer. (Joke courtesy of Phil)
3.03.2010
Guess Who's Back!
What!? Is that...? No. No it can't be.
Oh yes my friends. Your eyes and sidebar links do not deceive you. Livin' the Dream is back. After two straight 50 hour work weeks, one Pac-10 Wrestling Championship weekend, two baseball doubleheader days, and a swimming Big West Championship to report on, I think I am back to being a normal human. Still TBD though. With the rain in Sac-town/Davis, we might have another doubleheader on our hands so things might still be a little crazy.
At any rate, I'm back and what better way to kick off my grand return than with some awards. I am aware that most of this news is way old but deal with it.
The Celeb Baby News I Could Care Less About Award
And the winner is: US Magazine's picture and article of Shiloh Jolie Pitt's haircut
Accepting the award is the person who cut Shiloh's hair:
"I just got paaaaaaid. Thanks everyone. Deuces."
The WTF Award
And the winner is: these people
Accepting the award is Mark Weber, new father and husband all in the span of 3 hours
"Wow. This is so unexpected. I mean after 11 years I just thought it was maybe time for Erin and I to get married. It would have been nice to have a more traditional ceremony but after 11 years what's the difference? Sure I didn't have half the people I wanted there and most of our guests were complete strangers and I'm sure Erin probably never dreamed of a wedding like that but when it's right, it's just right you know? I mean when my new daughter asks me how me and her mommy got married, I'm going to love telling her all about how after dragging my feet for 11 years I finally married your mom while she was doubled over with debilitating labor pains all so that we could make sure grandma and grandpa were happy. Sure we could have gotten married when we first heard about the baby or you know like 9 years ago but better late than never right? Thanks again!"
Quote of the Week Award
And the winner is: Jessica Simpson
Accepting this award is Jessica Simpson
"Thank you so much for this! I swear that when I walk around in public people really do tell me straight to my face that I'm not fat! I mean they don't ask for my picture or my autograph or tell me they love my music or my movies. Nope. The immediate reaction from my fans is to tell me that I'm really not fat. And I swear I'm not even offended when they say that to me. I really do thank them. So thanks to my fans for not thinking I'm fat and thanks to Amanda for this award."
TMI Award
And the winner is: Khloe Kardashian
Accepting this award is the US Magazine writer who felt that yet another overshare by a Kardashian sister was worth making into breaking news.
"Wow I think this is the third or fourth award that Amanda has given us so we must be doing something right! Of course we had to share this story! She's a Kardashian and now she's married and she could be having a baby any day now. Editing? Not necessary. This is real news people. This is a real married couple trying to start a family together and don't you want to know every single detail?"
The ::Shudder:: Award
And the winner is: Gary Busey
Accepting this award is Gary Busey's other son, 38-year-old Jake
"Hey thanks a lot for this award. Um yeah it's a little weird that I have a newborn baby brother and I'm almost 40 but it's cool. I'll be able to teach him a ton of things like how to push my dad's wheelchair when he's 15 and my dad's 80. And the ins and outs of elder care facilities since he'll be like 21 when it's probably time to put my dad in a home. My dad probably won't be able to teach him how to drive because he'll be 80 and probably have his license revoked by then so that will fall to me too. But yeah I'm pretty excited about it all so thanks for this."
The Marketing Genius Award
And the winner is: The makers of The Sitch Cologne
Accepting this award is Mike "The Situation" himself.
"This award is real cool. I wanna thank all my friends from the shore: JWoww, Schnookers, Pauly D especially. Not Vinny because he's a hater and not Ronnie or Sammie because they're haters too. But I thank all the rest of them. I mean I'm just glad for this opportunity to really put my name out there you know? GTL baby. And that's the situation. Peace."
Aaaah that felt good....
Oh yes my friends. Your eyes and sidebar links do not deceive you. Livin' the Dream is back. After two straight 50 hour work weeks, one Pac-10 Wrestling Championship weekend, two baseball doubleheader days, and a swimming Big West Championship to report on, I think I am back to being a normal human. Still TBD though. With the rain in Sac-town/Davis, we might have another doubleheader on our hands so things might still be a little crazy.
At any rate, I'm back and what better way to kick off my grand return than with some awards. I am aware that most of this news is way old but deal with it.
The Celeb Baby News I Could Care Less About Award
And the winner is: US Magazine's picture and article of Shiloh Jolie Pitt's haircut
Accepting the award is the person who cut Shiloh's hair:
"I just got paaaaaaid. Thanks everyone. Deuces."
The WTF Award
And the winner is: these people
Accepting the award is Mark Weber, new father and husband all in the span of 3 hours
"Wow. This is so unexpected. I mean after 11 years I just thought it was maybe time for Erin and I to get married. It would have been nice to have a more traditional ceremony but after 11 years what's the difference? Sure I didn't have half the people I wanted there and most of our guests were complete strangers and I'm sure Erin probably never dreamed of a wedding like that but when it's right, it's just right you know? I mean when my new daughter asks me how me and her mommy got married, I'm going to love telling her all about how after dragging my feet for 11 years I finally married your mom while she was doubled over with debilitating labor pains all so that we could make sure grandma and grandpa were happy. Sure we could have gotten married when we first heard about the baby or you know like 9 years ago but better late than never right? Thanks again!"
Quote of the Week Award
And the winner is: Jessica Simpson
Accepting this award is Jessica Simpson
"Thank you so much for this! I swear that when I walk around in public people really do tell me straight to my face that I'm not fat! I mean they don't ask for my picture or my autograph or tell me they love my music or my movies. Nope. The immediate reaction from my fans is to tell me that I'm really not fat. And I swear I'm not even offended when they say that to me. I really do thank them. So thanks to my fans for not thinking I'm fat and thanks to Amanda for this award."
TMI Award
And the winner is: Khloe Kardashian
Accepting this award is the US Magazine writer who felt that yet another overshare by a Kardashian sister was worth making into breaking news.
"Wow I think this is the third or fourth award that Amanda has given us so we must be doing something right! Of course we had to share this story! She's a Kardashian and now she's married and she could be having a baby any day now. Editing? Not necessary. This is real news people. This is a real married couple trying to start a family together and don't you want to know every single detail?"
The ::Shudder:: Award
And the winner is: Gary Busey
Accepting this award is Gary Busey's other son, 38-year-old Jake
"Hey thanks a lot for this award. Um yeah it's a little weird that I have a newborn baby brother and I'm almost 40 but it's cool. I'll be able to teach him a ton of things like how to push my dad's wheelchair when he's 15 and my dad's 80. And the ins and outs of elder care facilities since he'll be like 21 when it's probably time to put my dad in a home. My dad probably won't be able to teach him how to drive because he'll be 80 and probably have his license revoked by then so that will fall to me too. But yeah I'm pretty excited about it all so thanks for this."
The Marketing Genius Award
And the winner is: The makers of The Sitch Cologne
Accepting this award is Mike "The Situation" himself.
"This award is real cool. I wanna thank all my friends from the shore: JWoww, Schnookers, Pauly D especially. Not Vinny because he's a hater and not Ronnie or Sammie because they're haters too. But I thank all the rest of them. I mean I'm just glad for this opportunity to really put my name out there you know? GTL baby. And that's the situation. Peace."
Aaaah that felt good....
2.11.2010
2nd Annual LTD Celebrity Awards
Welcome friends to the 2nd Annual LTD Celebrity Awards. Except it's not really annual is it? Annual means yearly so I guess this means these are the 2nd Weekly LTD Celebrity Awards? I don't know. Do we even like the awards? Let's go anyway.
The News that Made Me Really Excited Award
And the winner is: David Cook for announcing his second album will come out in mid-2010
Accepting this award tonight is David Cook:
Really glad that I could make Amanda's week with the news that I'm releasing my second album this year. Winning American Idol is nothing in comparison to knowing that Amanda is excited about my new album. So thanks.
And now for what I hope is becoming a fan favorite:
The Just Go Away Award
And the winner is: Hailey Glassman and Jon Gosselin for being just about the worst fake celebrities we've seen in a long time
Accepting this award tonight is Hailey Glassman:
First of all, I'd like to thank Steppin Out magazine for making me look super cute on their cover. I'm so honored to be part of such a nationally known and reputable magazine. I'm just really glad that I've been able to tell my stories so no other girls have to go through the pain that I've gone through these last few months. I've just been so hurt you know? I mean I never thought that a father of eight who got famous and rich quick on a reality show and took every sleazy publicity stunt he could to keep his fame including dating me about five minutes after he got divorced would ever hurt me like this. I've done nothing but be so loving and supportive of him -- all of him. I mean when I used to tell him "You would never cheat on me because you're so small" I did that because I loved him. I did that for him. So I just want all the little Hailey Glassmans of the world to know that it's not okay for a guy to leave you after you've berated him for the majority of your relationship and they shouldn't stand for that. Thanks!
The TMI Award
And the winner is: US Magazine for not only running this story but for calling in an expert to actually analyze this
Accepting this award tonight is the person who wrote this terrible article
Wow. Two weeks, two awards. We couldn't be prouder. Once again we're just so glad that we've been able to take such meaningless and frankly a little bit gross information and spin it into an awesome cover story. On behalf of US Magazine, I'd like to thank Khloe Kardashian for Twittering about this subject. We most certainly would not have had this story if it wasn't for her. I'd also like to thank the "board-certified lactation consultant" who lent her expertise to the piece. We think this story sounds so much more credible now, don't you guys? And thanks to Amanda for actually clicking on this link, reading this story, and blogging about it. She proves that as terrible as she might think the story is, we're still able to suck her in with our headlines. Good night!
Best Dressed
And the winner is: Sandra Bullock
No speeches on this one. Here's just a picture of how fabulous she looked this week:
That's all for this week folks! Good night!
The News that Made Me Really Excited Award
And the winner is: David Cook for announcing his second album will come out in mid-2010
Accepting this award tonight is David Cook:
Really glad that I could make Amanda's week with the news that I'm releasing my second album this year. Winning American Idol is nothing in comparison to knowing that Amanda is excited about my new album. So thanks.
And now for what I hope is becoming a fan favorite:
The Just Go Away Award
And the winner is: Hailey Glassman and Jon Gosselin for being just about the worst fake celebrities we've seen in a long time
Accepting this award tonight is Hailey Glassman:
First of all, I'd like to thank Steppin Out magazine for making me look super cute on their cover. I'm so honored to be part of such a nationally known and reputable magazine. I'm just really glad that I've been able to tell my stories so no other girls have to go through the pain that I've gone through these last few months. I've just been so hurt you know? I mean I never thought that a father of eight who got famous and rich quick on a reality show and took every sleazy publicity stunt he could to keep his fame including dating me about five minutes after he got divorced would ever hurt me like this. I've done nothing but be so loving and supportive of him -- all of him. I mean when I used to tell him "You would never cheat on me because you're so small" I did that because I loved him. I did that for him. So I just want all the little Hailey Glassmans of the world to know that it's not okay for a guy to leave you after you've berated him for the majority of your relationship and they shouldn't stand for that. Thanks!
The TMI Award
And the winner is: US Magazine for not only running this story but for calling in an expert to actually analyze this
Accepting this award tonight is the person who wrote this terrible article
Wow. Two weeks, two awards. We couldn't be prouder. Once again we're just so glad that we've been able to take such meaningless and frankly a little bit gross information and spin it into an awesome cover story. On behalf of US Magazine, I'd like to thank Khloe Kardashian for Twittering about this subject. We most certainly would not have had this story if it wasn't for her. I'd also like to thank the "board-certified lactation consultant" who lent her expertise to the piece. We think this story sounds so much more credible now, don't you guys? And thanks to Amanda for actually clicking on this link, reading this story, and blogging about it. She proves that as terrible as she might think the story is, we're still able to suck her in with our headlines. Good night!
Best Dressed
And the winner is: Sandra Bullock
No speeches on this one. Here's just a picture of how fabulous she looked this week:
That's all for this week folks! Good night!
2.07.2010
And the Award Goes to...
So here we are readers. The other new feature of Livin' the Dream...our weekly awards! We have some winners this week so let's get to it!
The Terrible TV Idea Award
And the winner is: FOX
Accepting this award on behalf of Fox is a "source" from American Idol
The Celeb Breakup No One Cares About Award
And the winner is: Britney Spears' sister and her baby daddy
Accepting this award is Britney Spears' mom who always seems to have just the right thing to say.
That's all for this week ladies and gentlemen!
The Terrible TV Idea Award
And the winner is: FOX
Accepting this award on behalf of Fox is a "source" from American Idol
"We are so thrilled to be receiving this award! I am really glad that I was able to start this rumor about Howard Stern coming to Idol to replace Simon. FOX would like to thank Simon first and foremost for setting the bar on Idol and for making of all of rush to find the first loose canon we can to be our next "judge". Of course we have to thank Howard Stern who would be the perfect meanie to replace Simon and who has no musical talent whatsoever. And finally we'd like to thank the American Idol execs who think that the angle Idol needs is to find the first person we can who will clash with all the judges and contestants with the first sarcastic comment they can think of. We're so excited to continue doing what we can to make sure that Idol absolutely fails after Simon leaves. Thanks again!"
Accepting this award are the gossip magazine columnists who continue to insist that there is some kind of war waging between these two.
"This is truly an honor. We have worked tirelessly ever since Angelina and Brad first got together scrutinizing every tiny detail we could to make it seem like Angelina and Jen Aniston just can't stand each other so this just means so much to us. It hasn't been easy. I mean we have had to twist every tiny fact that we can find to make it seem like Angelina is always going to beat Jen Aniston. We'd like to thank Vanity Fair for compiling this "Hollywood's Top 40" list which showed nothing more than the fact that Angelina made only $1 million more than Jennifer Aniston and thereby allowing us to twist that into an entire article where we can prove yet again that Jennifer Aniston's life is oh so sad without Brad Pitt in it. We'd also like to thank Jennifer Aniston herself for making a paltry $20 million last year and of course Angelina Jolie for raking in $21 million. Without them we never would have been able to spin this story to launch yet another fake battle between these two!"
"This is truly an honor. We have worked tirelessly ever since Angelina and Brad first got together scrutinizing every tiny detail we could to make it seem like Angelina and Jen Aniston just can't stand each other so this just means so much to us. It hasn't been easy. I mean we have had to twist every tiny fact that we can find to make it seem like Angelina is always going to beat Jen Aniston. We'd like to thank Vanity Fair for compiling this "Hollywood's Top 40" list which showed nothing more than the fact that Angelina made only $1 million more than Jennifer Aniston and thereby allowing us to twist that into an entire article where we can prove yet again that Jennifer Aniston's life is oh so sad without Brad Pitt in it. We'd also like to thank Jennifer Aniston herself for making a paltry $20 million last year and of course Angelina Jolie for raking in $21 million. Without them we never would have been able to spin this story to launch yet another fake battle between these two!"
Accepting this award is Lauren herself who continues to try and "explain" how terrible life on The Hills really was.
"Wow. This is just so unexpected. I'd of course like to thank MTV for giving me my start even though all I've done since joining the show is complain about how it's ruined my life. I'd like to thank all of my castmates on The Hills, especially Heidi for moving the spotlight onto themselves since I left the show so that people hardly ever talk about me anymore. But most of all I'd like to thank myself for continuing to go on and on about how terrible it was for me to be a part of a show that put me on the map of "fame". Without me, I never would have been able to talk about how terrible it was to get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars and gain the ability to launch a clothing line and write a best-selling book that is about to be turned into a movie just by letting some cameras follow me around."
"Wow. This is just so unexpected. I'd of course like to thank MTV for giving me my start even though all I've done since joining the show is complain about how it's ruined my life. I'd like to thank all of my castmates on The Hills, especially Heidi for moving the spotlight onto themselves since I left the show so that people hardly ever talk about me anymore. But most of all I'd like to thank myself for continuing to go on and on about how terrible it was for me to be a part of a show that put me on the map of "fame". Without me, I never would have been able to talk about how terrible it was to get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars and gain the ability to launch a clothing line and write a best-selling book that is about to be turned into a movie just by letting some cameras follow me around."
The Celeb Breakup No One Cares About Award
And the winner is: Britney Spears' sister and her baby daddy
Accepting this award is Britney Spears' mom who always seems to have just the right thing to say.
"Oh my gosh y'all. I can't believe my little girl won this award. We have done so much to keep both her and Britney in the news but si
nce Britney's kinda normal again and isn't making as many headlines, it was time to do something ya know? So I'm really glad that my little girl could put our family back in the spotlight for another week or two. We hit the jackpot when she had her baby at 16 but nobody's really talked about her since then you know so we thought what better way than to have her breakup with her baby's daddy and also start going out with another guy, who is about 10 years older than her might I add. Anyway we're just so glad that our family made the gossip columns again so thanks y'all!"
And the winner is: former "Dancing with the Stars" giant Warren Sapp
Warren Sapp was unfortunately detained - literally - tonight and cannot be here to accept his award.
Warren Sapp was unfortunately detained - literally - tonight and cannot be here to accept his award.
That's all for this week ladies and gentlemen!
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