Live-ish Blog: Dancing with the Stars Season 11 Premiere

The wait is over! Not only do we have the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars Season 11, but we also have the return of the live-ish blog here on Livin' the Dream. Dinner has been eaten, a glass of wine has been poured (which could make this even more entertaining) so now it's time to get down to business. As is customary, I DVR the first 30 minutes or so of the show so I can fast forward through commercials so my time stamps will be different.

Let's go!

8:25 - Tom Bergeron says we ain't seen nothing yet and that this is the wildest cast ever. Mrs. Brady and Michael Bolton scream wild and crazy to me, don't they?

8:26 - I am dying to meet the British guy who starts off the show.

8:26 - Music legend Michael Bolton? Wow that's laying it on a little thick, don't you think ABC?

8:27 - This is the absolute best set of introductions ever. Apparently Bristol Palin is a teen activist and yes, he is in fact going to be known as nothing but The Situation. Wow. I'm serious. His name is literally written as "The Situation and Karina" on the graphic.

8:28 - Brooke Burke is still a terrible announcer.

8:29 - Tony and Audrina are starting us off with the cha cha. But Tony just told Audrina that they are going to be the first couple up and she is freaking out. This is either because she's that dumb or because she's a total ringer and she's really good at dancing so they have to come up with something to make her "nervous". I guess we'll find out.

8:31 - Not bad for the very first couple up. She totally just went through the motions of the steps but it's to be expected for the first show I think. It's not going to get her through to the finals but she looked decently confident, just needs to be a little feistier.

8:32 - Bruno just called her a beautiful show pony that needs to be whipped into shape. Nice to see some things never change on this show.

8:33 - Aaaand not only did Carrie Ann just say that Len's butt is very tightly clenched, she just told Audrina that her solo at the start of the dance took "conyos". If you speak Spanish like I do, the word "conyo" is the equivalent of sh*t. So what I think she meant to say was "cojones" which means guts. Check yourself Carrie Ann.

8:34 - Wow a 7 from Len. 19 out of 30 for their total score. Heck yes you will take this Audrina. Last year on the first night, people got 4s. Take your sixes and be on your way.

8:37 - Next up is Kurt Warner and Anna. He has seven kids. Also he dances like the biggest whitest guy ever. This isn't going to be pretty.

8:41 - That wasn't as big of a train wreck as I thought it would be. Bruno thinks he's a natural. I wouldn't go that far. Carrie Ann just called him a legend on the football field. Again laying it on a little thick aren't we?

8:42 - Aaaaand time. Who had 8:42 as the time when all the judges would start screaming over each other?

8:45 - We're back with the scores. Wow 7s from Carrie Ann and Bruno and a 5 from Len. Kurt says "he'll take it". Again, that's a 19 out of 30 so yes Kurt you will take it.

8:46 - Honestly Brooke Burke is just the worst. I will comment on this frequently.

8:47 - Next up is this kid Kyle and Lacey who is blonde now. Not a good look for her. I have no idea who this Kyle kid is but literally he's like 15 and annoying me already. They are doing the cha cha too.

8:49 - Well what the kid lacks in technique, he certainly makes up for in showmanship. We might have an early favorite here. The crowd was going nuts, Carrie Ann is losing it and just said "fantastical".

8:51 - I think Bruno just called him a puffin. Isn't that an Arctic bird? Let's rewind.

8:51 - Still sounds like puffin but the fact that the entire phrase was "You are like an adorable naughty little puffin", I think he's really saying puppy. It is Bruno though so I wouldn't be surprised if he was actually saying puffin.

8:52 - Kyle loses a vote because of the ridiculous secret handshake he and Lacey just did. But they got a 23 out of 30.

8:54 - Next up is former LOS ANGELES LAKER Rick Fox and Cheryl. She's like 5-2 or something and he is a giant so this should be entertaining. It will also get old if they go on and on about how he's soooooo tall. Anyway, let's check out this Viennese waltz.

8:57 - Former Los Angeles Laker Rick Fox and his very white teeth are surprisingly graceful considering he's a giant. Len is all about it. Bruno is yelling again and thinks it's going to be a quarterback-power forward showdown. Carrie Ann is throwing herself all over him. Gross. But they all really like him. I will say he was a pretty decent surprise.

9:00 - They really know how to drag these shows out. One couple and then commercials. Thank goodness for DVR. Meanwhile absolutely none of the new shows on ABC's fall lineup look good.

9:02 - Rick Fox gets a 22 out of 30. This is a very high scoring first night.

9:03 - Next up is Margaret Cho and Louis. She has a LOT of tattoos and says she thought she'd be better than she actually is at ballroom dancing. No offense but I pretty much though you're as bad as you actually are.

9:04 - Apparently she was called the fat ballerina when she was five. Has this really haunted her her whole life? I'm going to say no.

9:06 - So she started out strong, then she turned into a payasa (as my dad would say) which means clown in Spanish. This was so weird. They were dancing the Viennese waltz and then they turned it into a comedy routine. The judges hated it and they get three 5s. I agree though. I get that she's a comic, that's her thing, whatever, but that's going to get old really fast.

9:10 - Time for Brandy and my lover Maks.

9:11 - Apparently Brandy did DWTS because she's been afraid to. Afraid of what? Being on TV? You were Moesha. Dancing in front of large crowds? You sold out concerts all over the country. I don't buy it Brandy. Ringer.

9:13 - Blah blah blah the judges love her and Bruno makes a play on words with her name and drinking. Sounds about right for Bruno. She gets a 23 out of 30 and she is crying. Oh wow, no she is seriously tearing up right now. Check yourself Brandy.

9:15 - And now the moment we've been waiting for: Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas. Mark is so cute but the shaved head is not a good look. Bristol Palin is already having issues doing shimmys and poppin that booty which I knew was going to be a problem for her.

9:16 - Aaaaaand the first dig at her ex Levi. Classy Bristol.

9:18 - Okay so here's the thing. I actually have to hand it to her for being on this show because honestly, she really is just a normal teenager. She isn't a celebrity (not like most of these people really are) but she hasn't grown up on TV or played a professional sport or sung in front of millions of people. She is like 17 and yes she's been on the tabloids and stuff but coming out and ballroom dancing on live TV when you literally have NO experience being any kind of an entertainer takes guts.

9:23 - And she's also not a good interview. Wow the combination of Bristol Palin and Brooke Burke is going to be really painful for me to watch. She gets an 18 out of 23. Sidenote, they cannot stand that Sarah Palin isn't in the audience.

9:24 - Oh good and now it's Florence Henderson's turn. Um when did she become a singer?

9:25 - Did you know Corky and Mark are father and son? Fun fact.

9:26 - Mrs. Brady just dropped an F bomb. That is awesome.

9:27 - I will say that was more tolerable to watch than when Chloris Leachman was on the show because there was SOME semblance of dance steps included. Bruno tells her that sometimes she seemed confused about the sequence of steps. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's because she couldn't remember. I mean come on people, she's 76.

9:32 - Florence gets an 18 out of 30.

9:33 - Man they sure do love to throw that word "legend" around on this show don't they. Next up is music "legend" Michael Bolton and Chelsie. I'm not surprised that he's not good at that. He isn't a dancer; he sits and sings terrible ballads.

9:37 - Yeah he was not good. Which is a bummer bc Chelsea is a really good dancer and I don't want her to get voted off soon. Sometimes I care more about the pros than the celebs. Sidenote, Michael Bolton still tours??? They get a 16 out of 30.

9:39 - Oh it is the man, the myth, the legend indeed - The Situation - whose dance background includes "many nights at the club with your girlfriend". He is so terribly awesome. They only have five days to train him while everyone else had three weeks because he was sequestered away by MTV filming Jersey Shore.

9:44 - Wow that was awful. Plus Len just made a pun involving the word "situation". Tally 1 for the season. I hope he gets voted off just so we don't have to hear that 4 times every week.

9:46 - So blah blah he had no time to rehearse blah blah. Also he has a shooting star shaved in the side of his head.

9:49 - 15 out of 30. Not a good situation. Bahaha I had to go there. I will say that he's a good interview in that he takes that part pretty seriously. And I think he is taking the dancing part seriously too but sadly the fist pump is not a part of many ballroom dances.

9:53 - Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough are up. She got emotional because her friend Patrick Swayze died so I hope she does well.

9:55 - OMG Carrie Ann is crying. That was a good dance though. They got a 24 out of 30 which is the highest score of the night. We might have our new early fave folks...

10:00 - And now. The Hoff.

10:02 - Oooooh. No bueno. Which is sad, again, because his partner Kym is awesome so I don't want her to get voted off right away either.

10:05 - Five across the board for the Hoff. Brooke Burke is SO BAD. Seriously she's the worst. Seriously this exchange just happened:
Brooke: Okay guys that's a 15 out of 30. How do you feel about that?
Hoff: Well 15 less than we wanted. Hahahaha.
Kym: (nervously laughs)
silence. literally nobody speaks.
Brooke: Oh. Okay. So if you want to vote...

And that's all folks! A surprisingly legit premiere show. On paper a lot of these celebs made it look like it would be a rough season to get through, but we have some early dark horses starting to emerge. Rick Fox, Kyle, Brandy and Jennifer Grey so far look like they could get really far in the competition. Audrina looked surprisingly good as well. I'll be anxious to see what the rest of the season brings!

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