BREAKING News: J Lo and Marc Anthony Split Up

It's Friday afternoon, all I can think about is the weekend, I've got a comedy station on Pandora going to keep me entertained while I write men's soccer bios and so I decide I'm going to check in on Facebook for a quick second.

And then I see this:

Of course, this confuses me.  So I keep scrolling and I see THIS: 

And I literally yell out to my coworkers "Oh my God, J Lo and Marc Anthony split up."

I mean, what was I expecting?  For an actual Hollywood marriage to last?  That two people who got married within months of starting up their romance would love, honor and cherish each other til death did them part? That Sean Combs'/Puff Daddy's/P. Diddy's/Diddy Dirty Money's ex and someone who was married to a former Miss Universe would be in it for the long haul?

Guys, I did.  I really did. Because for the last seven years (and most specifically in the last few months while watching Judge J Lo on American Idol), all you saw and read about was how blissfully happy they were and how, despite them being all fabulous, they just had a real normal, down-to-earth family life. Interview after interview, magazine spread after magazine spread - he even made like 3 guest appearances on Idol - they gushed over how awesomely amazing their perfect little life was. I really believed this stuff.

And now it's over. 

I'm sure we'll never ever know the real reasons behind the split.  Sometimes things just kind of come to an end.  It's no one's fault; it just happens and so far that's the statement they've given.  It's amicable, it's a mutual decision, it is what it is.

But secretly?  You know it's because J Lo is en fuego right now.

Think about it.  Or rather, let me tell you what Wikipedia just told me:

Seven years ago, she releases an album that goes nowhere, then puts out a Spanish-language album which did well on the Latin Pop charts but until I looked it up on Wikipedia, I had no idea she had done this and you probably didn't either. From there her music just kind of stops happening.  Movie-wise, box office gems such as Monster-in-Law, Gigli, and El Cantante had, well, bombed. So she basically stops making movies too.

Now she's a family woman. She gets married, she has her twins, she occasionally dabbles here or there in fashion, etc. But otherwise, she's started to settle down and fade into a relative obscurity, wouldn't you say? 

Then things start ramping up a little.  In September 2010, it's announced that she is going to replace Ellen as the new judge on American Idol. Rumors start going around that she was going to have a cameo appearance on Glee, which, like it or not, is now one of the biggest shows on TV. She signs a new record deal with Def Jam and conveniently puts out a new single that coincides with the season premier of American Idol.  I can't get away from this stupid song and it becomes her first top ten since 2003.  Oh and People Magazine names her the Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

So on the finale of American Idol, Marc Anthony performs some song.  Great.  It's a pretty standard performance until about the 2 minute mark of this performance:

(Sorry I couldn't find any clips of just her that were any shorter.)

Now to those of you who watched the American Idol finale, I pose a question:

The next day, as you were recapping the results and how Scotty is the worst Idol winner ever except maybe for the gray haired guy, did you a) mention what a powerful vocal performance Marc Anthony gave or b) comment on how you can't believe Jennifer Lopez can still shake that thang?

My answer is B.  Once she came out, pretty sure Marc Anthony faded back into the "oh that's J Lo's husband right?" category that he had come to know and tolerate. It took me like three rewinds before I was finally convinced that it was her moving like that on the stage. She stole the show completely. 

So guys, I think it's safe to say that J Lo is back - in really every way.  She probably has a very long career ahead of her as an Idol judge, her music is relevant again, and she got to meet Prince William and Kate Middleton. She means something again and that could be the catalyst for these marriage woes.  

Sidenote: Idol's finale aired at the end of May.  TWO MONTHS LATER they are announcing their split. This is weird isn't it? Just sayin.

So while I'm still shocked that it actually happen, I can't help but think that it really does make a lot of sense. Jenny's spotlight is starting to shine a little brighter and she's ready to relive her glory days. I mean she was Selena for Pete's sake. 

The Trifecta is Complete...

So about a week ago, Kara Dioguardi announced that she is leaving American Idol. First Simon, then Ellen out of nowhere, and now Kara. Which means we're left with Randy. Word, dawg.

I'm not really sad to see Kara leave to tell you the truth. She was always kind of a diva and didn't bring a whole lot to the table. She's written some pretty famous songs and seems to be doing pretty well with that (she discovered that guy Jason Derulo) so I never quite understood why she suddenly was joining American Idol... unless the producers were grooming her to be the new Paula... because they knew Paula was going to be fired the very next season? American Idol urban legends.

So now, the trifecta is complete and American Idol gets to effectively start all over again with choosing the new judges. Jackpot. This can either be a recipe for success or a complete disaster. But it needs to happen soon because auditions begin this month.

So who are the rumored potentials? According to Variety magazine, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler of Aerosmith are expected to officially be added to the show in the next few days.

And how does this make me feel? Terrible.

First, Jennifer Lopez. Jenny from the block will be way too nice and cutesy and won't ever say anything constructive. She's just kind of annoying. You can tell she is trying to get in the mix because her own career is more or less over. Her movies are bombing and when's the last time she put out a song? She's desperate and American Idol would put her back on the map so no wonder she wants to be considered.

And Steven Tyler? I will say that obviously the guy knows how to entertain. But he's old, weird and not current at all. This is a very strange career move for him as well. Clearly it might be time for him to think about calling it quits from performing. But is American Idol the next step for him? I also think he has just too much star power. The five judges were still at the end of the day not really these huge celebrities that seemed unapproachable. Steven Tyler feels like he would be like this and I don't think that's the vibe that American Idol should go with.

But apparently that's it. That's who they're going with. And I think they're blowing it. People are losing interest in the show big time. I barely watch. Part of that has to do with Seacrest who's just the worst. But here the producers have the chance to bring this show back to life and I feel like they just rushed into the most major decision that this show has ever had to make.

A while ago, when I learned of Simon's pending departure, I took a stab at who I thought would be great replacements for Simon. Not gonna lie, I still think my options are better.

There are so many artists and music moguls out there who would be on this show in five seconds if they were asked and would do a really good job. Diddy would be awesome (is that even his name anymore?), Pharrell, Timbaland, there are so many other options out there besides these two.

So I guess we'll see American Idol. I hope you're very confident in your decision because I don't think too many of your fans are going to be. Good luck because this... is a really bad decision.

Video of the Day 4/1/10 - American Idol Edition

I swear I'll actually write real words at some point.

Shoutout to Julie for this video. Chris Brown's song "Forever" is awesome and American Idol contestant Andrew Garcia turned it into a pretty awesome acoustic version. Check it out:

2nd Annual LTD Celebrity Awards

Welcome friends to the 2nd Annual LTD Celebrity Awards. Except it's not really annual is it? Annual means yearly so I guess this means these are the 2nd Weekly LTD Celebrity Awards? I don't know. Do we even like the awards? Let's go anyway.

The News that Made Me Really Excited Award
And the winner is: David Cook for announcing his second album will come out in mid-2010
Accepting this award tonight is David Cook:
Really glad that I could make Amanda's week with the news that I'm releasing my second album this year. Winning American Idol is nothing in comparison to knowing that Amanda is excited about my new album. So thanks.

And now for what I hope is becoming a fan favorite:
The Just Go Away Award
And the winner is: Hailey Glassman and Jon Gosselin for being just about the worst fake celebrities we've seen in a long time
Accepting this award tonight is Hailey Glassman:
First of all, I'd like to thank Steppin Out magazine for making me look super cute on their cover. I'm so honored to be part of such a nationally known and reputable magazine. I'm just really glad that I've been able to tell my stories so no other girls have to go through the pain that I've gone through these last few months. I've just been so hurt you know? I mean I never thought that a father of eight who got famous and rich quick on a reality show and took every sleazy publicity stunt he could to keep his fame including dating me about five minutes after he got divorced would ever hurt me like this. I've done nothing but be so loving and supportive of him -- all of him. I mean when I used to tell him "You would never cheat on me because you're so small" I did that because I loved him. I did that for him. So I just want all the little Hailey Glassmans of the world to know that it's not okay for a guy to leave you after you've berated him for the majority of your relationship and they shouldn't stand for that. Thanks!

The TMI Award
And the winner is: US Magazine for not only running this story but for calling in an expert to actually analyze this
Accepting this award tonight is the person who wrote this terrible article
Wow. Two weeks, two awards. We couldn't be prouder. Once again we're just so glad that we've been able to take such meaningless and frankly a little bit gross information and spin it into an awesome cover story. On behalf of US Magazine, I'd like to thank Khloe Kardashian for Twittering about this subject. We most certainly would not have had this story if it wasn't for her. I'd also like to thank the "board-certified lactation consultant" who lent her expertise to the piece. We think this story sounds so much more credible now, don't you guys? And thanks to Amanda for actually clicking on this link, reading this story, and blogging about it. She proves that as terrible as she might think the story is, we're still able to suck her in with our headlines. Good night!

Best Dressed
And the winner is: Sandra Bullock
No speeches on this one. Here's just a picture of how fabulous she looked this week:


That's all for this week folks! Good night!

This. Is American Idol.

It's back.

Tonight the ninth season of American Idol returns and I've already got my t-shirt on.

But today we're not talking about how hard it's going to be to top last season or how Ellen is going to do as a judge (she won't even be on the show until mid-February anyway). Today we're talking about a very interestingly timed announcement by everyone's favorite British grump.

This. Is Simon's last season.

::gasp:: Say it ain't so!

The X Factor, a show that Simon created, produced and judges on in England, is coming to America so Simon has decided to leave Idol to be on The X Factor. He said he is ready for a new challenge and is ready to do something different.

Well i don't exactly know how being on an American version of a show that is already hugely successful in England is much of a big challenge, but I do know that Idol is about to find themselves to be very challenged when it comes to finding his replacement.

Simon is what makes American Idol so popular (as much as Seacrest probably hates to admit). How would we sit through the audition rounds listening to all of the wannabes without Simon's jabs to go along with them? How will we know which contestant to really respect and listen to without Simon's opinion? Because despite the fact of having three other judges, it's always been Simon for some reason who has established himself as the lead judge and the one who really knows what he's talking about.

So who could possibly replace Simon? Should it be someone who's just as sarcastic and brutally honest as he is? Should it be another Englishman?

I don't think so. Why would you replace the original with a probably not very good imitation? It's also time for Idol to get with the times a little bit. As far as her credits go, Kara's got a good resume even though she's annoying because the artists she's worked with and written for are actually relevant today. Which also means that you can't pick another songwriter really because that's her gig. You need someone who's going to be pretty honest, maybe not as mean, but someone who's going to give it to the people straight because at the end of the day, that's what Simon did.

So here are a few suggestions:

1. Pharrell. He's a producer and recording artist and he's collaborated with some of the biggest and, more importantly, longest-lasting names in the music business. Justin Timberlake, Shakira, Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears - you've heard of them? Pharrell has had a hand in their success, either by himself or with his buddy Chad Hugo as part of The Neptunes (totally got that off of Wikipedia). He knows what's popular now and he knows what people want to hear.

2. Timbaland. Another big name in the world of producing, Timbaland has worked with Missy Elliott, Justin Timberlake, Shakira, Madonna, 50 Cent, Jay-Z and more. He still records and collaborates and his songs are major hits. "Apologize" and "The Way I Are" both come to mind. He'd be a popular choice again for being current and knowing what makes a star.

3. Joey Fatone from *N SYNC. He's likable and obviously knows what it takes to be a mainstay in the industry. Potential problems with him sugar coating his opinions but he's proven to be good on camera and I think it could work.

4. Nobody. You keep the three current judges and go back to that format. I think this all depends on how Ellen does as a judge.

5. A rotating door of guest judges. They're doing it with the audition process and I think it's a great idea. They've found current, relevant artists to give their critique like Mary J. Blige, Victoria Beckham, and one of the Jo Bros. But I think the key is definitely to stay with current people. I mean, remember when Meatloaf performed on the show? Yeah nobody was too thrilled with that.

These are some very preliminary thoughts but you can bet I'll be following this closely. It's going to be interesting to see how this plays out. Good luck Idol. I think you're going to need it.