Every season The Bachelor starts and I sit down to watch it. And every season without a doubt this show infuriates me. Except for Chris Harrison the host, every single person on this show annoys me to no end. But do I stop watching it? Nope. It's like a car accident - I can't look, but I can't look away.
Confession time: For about 6 minutes at work today, I explored what it would take to become a contestant on The Bachelor. And for a few minutes I thought to myself "I would make a pretty good contestant."
Calm down everyone. I am not going to apply to be a contestant on The Bachelor. First, you have to send in a 10-15 minute video. Do you know how long it takes to put together 3 minutes of "How Well Do You Know Your UC Davis Goalkeeper?" taken on the FlipCam? Like almost an entire day. Second, you have to send a full body shot. Ew.
You know why else I wouldn't be on this show? Because these chicks are nuts. Let me break it down.
First they roll montages of most of the girls and give background on who they are, where they're from, what they do for a living, and sometimes a weird/interesting/sad thing about them. The weird things are really weird (one girl is a manscaper for a living, another one is into vampires, has actual fangs and "ran into the leader of the secret underground vampire world"), the sad stories are pretty sad, that's how it goes.
So far so good though. These girls (barring the super weird vampire wannabe one) still seem very standard, normal girls. Granted they are all completely beautiful and dress perfectly, but they appear normal.
Then they meet the bachelor.
This season the bachelor is this guy Brad who was on the show three years ago and ditched both of the final two girls and ended up picking nobody. Now he's back for his second chance at love.
So I don't know if this is standard for The Bachelor or not, but the women don't know that this guy Brad is who they're meeting. So it makes them act extra annoying when they meet him.
Here is an in-depth look at what went down during each of the 30 introductions:
- 11 girls knew exactly who he was and had seen him on the show. I wouldn't be able to pick this guy out of a lineup.
- First girl out of the limo slaps him because apparently what he did three years ago was THAT much of a personal blow to her and "all of the women of America."
- 4 girls tell him they have a lot of questions/doubts/uncertainties about him
- One girl straight pinches his ass
- One girl is a "sports publicist" and drops the line that her entire life revolves around sports. WHAT. THE. HELL. THIS WAS MY ONLY IN.
- One girl tells him "You happen to be the perfect guy for me." This is creepy.
- The vampire. Need I say more. She tells him he looks delicious. He tells her she has a nice fang- I mean name.
- One girl straight sprints out of the limo, yells Catch me! and luckily he does because she just jumps in his arms
- She also mentions that she knows nothing about him because she never watched his season. This is a good strategy. 4 other girls do this.
- Another girl makes him pinky swear that he won't break her heart
- Next girl makes him get down on one knee and repeat the words "Will you marry me?", says yes and then says "See that wasn't so bad."
- One girl lowers the window down, sticks her hand out and beckons him over. He opens the door of the limo and she tells him I like a chivalrous man. He apparently takes this to mean she is high-maintenance and votes her off on the first night. Bahahaha.
- One girl straight up says "I'm ready to get married, so we'll have to talk inside."
- One girl is wearing ruby slippers. She is from Kansas, she says it's because there's no place like home and she can't wait to take him home to her family.
- One girl tells him "My grandma always says you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming." Then she straight plants on one him. She got voted off too.
- The girl after her is named J. That is it. Just the letter J. Not one word. One letter bitches. Take that Madonna. Also, it is her birthday.
- Next girl is a Radio City Rockette. No that is not a typo. She is an honest to God Rockette. Then she asks him if he knows what that is. Can you call yourself an American if you don't know what the Radio City Rockettes are?
- Next girl gets all super serious and says "I have to get something off my chest. I have to tell you something about me. I can't snap my fingers." Woah girl.
- Two girls say something along the lines of "I'm so glad it's you standing there as the Bachelor." One even goes so far as to say he was her first pick. What? There is no way you ever in a million years thought that the dbag from three seasons ago would be back. No way.
- The next-to-last girl is a chef and food writer and brings him a brownie. Guess who ends up getting a rose at the end of the night? This is a GREAT strategy and I will keep that in my back pocket so thanks for the idea girl.
So now that we've met all of the ladies, then they get into the house and this is when the fun really starts. Because now all 30 all want to talk to him - all at the same time. And as the night winds down, they will literally do anything to get to talk to him. Including the "steal". This is where girls straight walk up to him while he's talking to another girl and literally ask if they can steal him away. Obnoxious. Also desperate.
As we observe them vying for the fair Brad's attention, one girl tells him a guy broke up with her because he wanted someone with a smaller butt so she straight sticks her ass in his face and asks if he can handle all of this. Weird. Another girl sings to him. Let me repeat that. Sings to him. Then there is the vampire girl.
Then they pass out the roses and the five girls that don't get one literally start crying. You have spent one evening with this guy and you didn't even know it was him when you started the night.
That's the thing with this show. These girls come in with a mission: to get a husband. And the husband will be this guy. Somehow, through watching him on a TV show a season before, they've deemed him to be perfect husband material - THEIR perfect husband material - and that is that.
Oh and the final note for the evening. The Bachelor is 38 years old. One of the girls is 32, three are 30 and the rest - the remaining 26 ladies - are 29 and under. Three girls are 24. Let's hope the whole "Age ain't nothin' but a number thing" is true.
The thing is though, I'm sucked in. I can't stand these girls, I can't stand this Brad guy, but I still have to see what is going to happen to all of them.
But most importantly, why does that girl have fangs?
Showing posts with label the bachelor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the bachelor. Show all posts
1.04.2011
9.28.2010
Hey! You Had Your Turn!
So last night on Dancing with the Stars, Tom Bergeron of course plugged the new upcoming season of The Bachelor and the camera showed the new bachelor and the host, Chris Harrison, whose job is hysterical to me.
The new bachelor is a guy named Brad Womack. Now usually whoever got dumped on The Bachelorette usually becomes the next bachelor so I figured he was from last season of The Bachelorette which I didn't watch because that girl annoyed me to no end. However, after further research - and Tom Bergeron making a joke about him "actually picking someone this time" - I realized who he is.
This guy Brad already was The Bachelor! In 2007 he got down to the last two women and then didn't pick anybody. And now he's back for round two?
I understand that sometimes you want a second chance at things. Trust me, I understand. But buddy, you had your shot. What makes you think that things are going to be so different this next time around?
Apparently he was up against a guy who was on the show last season but I'm not sure if the other guy turned it down or ABC just decided that going with Brad was a better option because clearly it makes for better television. Shoot I'm about to watch just to see if the guy actually goes through with it at the end. But if I was the other guy and Brad was picked over me, I'd be pretty ticked off right now. Poor guy gets dumped on national TV then doesn't even get the chance to try things out for himself on the show.
This stands as yet another reason why I get annoyed with this show and it falls under the general umbrella of the fact that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette have lost a lot of touch with reality. From the exotic locations to the over the top dates themselves, this show is not how normal people meet each other and fall in love. Is the low success rate really a surprise? I feel like the couple gets back to their normal lives and things like going out for pizza isn't enough after they've been flown to Tuscany to make pizza themselves from a real Italian before riding a gondola into the sunset. How can normal life compare to the six weeks they've just experienced?
So this latest stunt falls under the same category for me. Again, this guy had 25-30 women there to win him over and he just walks away. Now he gets the chance to have another 25-30 women - beautiful, successful, pretty perfect women might I add - throwing themselves at him while he's traveling the world? This does not happen in real life. Sometimes you blow your chance and that's that and there's no ABC to ride in on their white horse and rescue it for you.
In a few articles, he's talked about how he's changed so much and how he knows now what he needs to do to really make it work with someone. Well congratulations but why can't you just make that work in your normal life in Texas? Why do you get hooked up like that? I just don't think it's fair.
Like I said before though, this is obviously going to make for great TV so I guess some credit has to be given to ABC for making this decision. But if it falls through again, they're going to have a lot of unhappy customers on their hands.
The new bachelor is a guy named Brad Womack. Now usually whoever got dumped on The Bachelorette usually becomes the next bachelor so I figured he was from last season of The Bachelorette which I didn't watch because that girl annoyed me to no end. However, after further research - and Tom Bergeron making a joke about him "actually picking someone this time" - I realized who he is.
This guy Brad already was The Bachelor! In 2007 he got down to the last two women and then didn't pick anybody. And now he's back for round two?
I understand that sometimes you want a second chance at things. Trust me, I understand. But buddy, you had your shot. What makes you think that things are going to be so different this next time around?
Apparently he was up against a guy who was on the show last season but I'm not sure if the other guy turned it down or ABC just decided that going with Brad was a better option because clearly it makes for better television. Shoot I'm about to watch just to see if the guy actually goes through with it at the end. But if I was the other guy and Brad was picked over me, I'd be pretty ticked off right now. Poor guy gets dumped on national TV then doesn't even get the chance to try things out for himself on the show.
This stands as yet another reason why I get annoyed with this show and it falls under the general umbrella of the fact that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette have lost a lot of touch with reality. From the exotic locations to the over the top dates themselves, this show is not how normal people meet each other and fall in love. Is the low success rate really a surprise? I feel like the couple gets back to their normal lives and things like going out for pizza isn't enough after they've been flown to Tuscany to make pizza themselves from a real Italian before riding a gondola into the sunset. How can normal life compare to the six weeks they've just experienced?
So this latest stunt falls under the same category for me. Again, this guy had 25-30 women there to win him over and he just walks away. Now he gets the chance to have another 25-30 women - beautiful, successful, pretty perfect women might I add - throwing themselves at him while he's traveling the world? This does not happen in real life. Sometimes you blow your chance and that's that and there's no ABC to ride in on their white horse and rescue it for you.
In a few articles, he's talked about how he's changed so much and how he knows now what he needs to do to really make it work with someone. Well congratulations but why can't you just make that work in your normal life in Texas? Why do you get hooked up like that? I just don't think it's fair.
Like I said before though, this is obviously going to make for great TV so I guess some credit has to be given to ABC for making this decision. But if it falls through again, they're going to have a lot of unhappy customers on their hands.
8.04.2010
Alternate Endings to The Bachelorette
I have tuned in to a couple seasons of The Bachelor, then got sucked in to The Bachelorette because they use a contestant from The Bachelor as the new bachelorette. But I do have to say that I'm starting to not be a fan of the franchise. Here's why:
1. Watching 25 guys get wasted and look like dbags as they try to woo the girl is awful TV. However, watching 25 girls throw themselves at a guy is way more entertaining. With The Bachelor, it's so much fun to watch the psycho girls come out of the woodwork. Like the one who knew every detail of Jake's life before even getting selected for the show.
2. The girl that is picked as The Bachelorette is way too pretty, nice, successful, etc. all the time and it pisses me off that they whine about not being able to find love.
3. The show is becoming more and more unrealistic. I read an article that said that the bachelorette will give the producers an idea for a date, like baseball... which sounds like fun. Go to a Dodger game, have a Dodger dog and then watch them get swept by the stupid Giants. Nope not on The Bachelorette. Instead they are flown to Yankee Stadium and have A Rod or someone give them private batting lessons. Then they make out on the pitchers mound. Which leads me to my next point...
4. Way too much making out. Literally it takes up a good 75-80 percent of the show. Making out is fun to do, not fun to watch.
So now that we got that out of the way, Ali picked Roberto which I guess nobody wanted her to do. Personally, I thought the other guy was way better looking and apparently he was "such a nice guy". So I present to you my alternate endings for how the show should have ended on Monday.
First of all, it was very anticlimactic because I had to read for a week straight all about the "shocking" decision Ali was going to make and the "unforgettable" season finale that was coming up. What went down was neither shocking nor unforgettable.
You know what would be? If she didn't pick either one. I so thought this was going to happen. She kept saying she felt so much pressure to pick someone. Well first, that should be a given because the purpose of you being on the show is to pick a guy at the end of it. But I just got a vibe that she was going to reject them both. She did not. So that's alternate ending number one.
Alternate ending number two: she picks one of the guys, but the guy doesn't propose. Instead he tells her he just wants to go have a normal relationship and just date her for a little bit. Let's look at the facts here. You've just spent two months sequestered away from reality flying all over the world, literally, competing with 24 other dudes to win this girl. You've told her everything under the sun, you've pulled out your best moves and you're in the most romantic settings in the world.
It's incredibly easy to get swept away by all of that. So at the end, I think it would say a lot about the guy if he said "I do really love you, and now I just want us to try and live our life together before we then jump into the world of wedding planning and marriage." Watch Glee together. Get in arguments about whether your coworker is or is not actually annoying. Go see a damn movie. Do something normal. Just be a couple. Because how much do you really know about this person you've just picked to spend the rest of your life with? Yes you know that Roberto will "guard and protect your heart" but do you know what his favorite cereal is or that he likes smooth peanut butter and not chunky? Then it also won't be as shocking when things go wrong and you're not only breaking up but you're also calling off an engagement. Maybe this is why the track record is so bad with this show. The couple gets back to real life and they can't function. I just think it's the little things that really go into making a couple mesh together and all of the grandeur of the trips and the challenges and all that gets in the way.
Now I can't take full credit for this but it is an awesome idea created by Joe and me. (No James and Phil not that Joe... trust me)
So I guess the shocking part of this finale was that she voted the other guy off before he even came to meet her on the secret island. She went to his hut in Tahiti and broke up with him there. I will say this is way classier than what they've done before which is literally that she lets the guy she doesn't want tell her how amazing she is and how much he loves her and, if I remember correctly, he even gets down on one knee and proposes. Then she goes "Oh you should stand up now" and destroys him.
Here's what would have been awesome. The guy she didn't pick leaves. He grabs his suitcase and goes and gets in the car and does his testimonial or whatever.
Meanwhile, she gets dressed in her fabulous beautiful dress and goes out to her island and waits for Roberto. Roberto shows up in his suit, she tells him how he's the one she picks and isn't he so excited?!
And then Roberto says: Bros before hoes though baby. I'm out.
Can you imagine what "After the Rose" would look like then?
1.12.2010
Triple R American Idol Edition
Not really but because tonight is the season premiere, everything is American Idol edition today.
Scandal on the Bachelor...
...and we're only two weeks in. Apparently one of the women who is competing for Jake the Pilot's love on The Bachelor 41 (okay it's not really the 41st season but still the show has been around FOREVER) couldn't wait to see if she got a one-on-one date and had some one-on-one time of her own with a show's producer. Before the show even went on the air. She got kicked off the show and the producer got fired and now she's speaking out and he's speaking out and the guy who "hosts" The Bachelor is speaking out. It's a speaking out bonanza.
Okay I really don't get what the big deal is with this. The guy who hosts said they had to bring in psychologists and counselors and all of these people to help Jake deal with this news. Jake the pilot has known her for two weeks! He feels that he has been cheated on and that he was so incredibly hurt by this. Oh but then he remembered that he had 14 other women literally throwing themselves at him so that helped him to get through this terrible incident. I'm sorry but if he considers what she did cheating, then what exactly is he doing with the 14 women who are competing for him? And maybe this also makes me a terrible person but I don't really blame the woman. If I had to sit around and wait while Jake the pilot decided whether or not I was good enough to go on a ridiculous fantasy date with him, I'd get bored and annoyed with the other girls and go find someone who knew what he wanted too. I think I'm just really over The Bachelor. Can you tell?
Jackpot
I really hope this story is true. Because even though I know I have zero chance ever with Justin Timberlake, it's always nicer knowing he's single. Jessica Biel is for some reason climbing Mt. Kilamanjaro while Justin is partying in Wyoming. There were rumors about this sometime last year so we'll see if it holds true.
A Royal Wedding?
Is Prince William finally going to marry his plain Jane (sorry but she is) girlfriend of eight years? Sources say that the Queen has told him she wants a princess by his side when she celebrates 60 years on the throne in 2012. A princess. Man why can't I be a princess? I would be so good at it. I'm very nice and I love to chat and I don't mind trying weird food. I feel these are all great qualities of being a princess. And I really like England. Also I speak Spanish and that should come in handy right? Where do I send my resume?
Another One Bites the Dust...
Looks like another high profile celeb is being hit by an angry mistress. Apparently Shaq has been having a 5-year affair with this woman and she thought she was pregnant with his kid but now she's taking him to court for "harassing" her. What's the harrassment? He pretty much told her he didn't think it was his. I'm just getting a little tired of these women putting themselves in these situations. And also these celebrities. Come on Shaq. I don't have the energy these days to write a 2-part series about you. It does surprise me though that Shaq would do something like this. Maybe I'm just that naive about superstars like this but I didn't really see this coming. Then again, who saw Tiger's whole little predicament coming either?
Until next week...
Scandal on the Bachelor...
...and we're only two weeks in. Apparently one of the women who is competing for Jake the Pilot's love on The Bachelor 41 (okay it's not really the 41st season but still the show has been around FOREVER) couldn't wait to see if she got a one-on-one date and had some one-on-one time of her own with a show's producer. Before the show even went on the air. She got kicked off the show and the producer got fired and now she's speaking out and he's speaking out and the guy who "hosts" The Bachelor is speaking out. It's a speaking out bonanza.
Okay I really don't get what the big deal is with this. The guy who hosts said they had to bring in psychologists and counselors and all of these people to help Jake deal with this news. Jake the pilot has known her for two weeks! He feels that he has been cheated on and that he was so incredibly hurt by this. Oh but then he remembered that he had 14 other women literally throwing themselves at him so that helped him to get through this terrible incident. I'm sorry but if he considers what she did cheating, then what exactly is he doing with the 14 women who are competing for him? And maybe this also makes me a terrible person but I don't really blame the woman. If I had to sit around and wait while Jake the pilot decided whether or not I was good enough to go on a ridiculous fantasy date with him, I'd get bored and annoyed with the other girls and go find someone who knew what he wanted too. I think I'm just really over The Bachelor. Can you tell?
Jackpot
I really hope this story is true. Because even though I know I have zero chance ever with Justin Timberlake, it's always nicer knowing he's single. Jessica Biel is for some reason climbing Mt. Kilamanjaro while Justin is partying in Wyoming. There were rumors about this sometime last year so we'll see if it holds true.
A Royal Wedding?
Is Prince William finally going to marry his plain Jane (sorry but she is) girlfriend of eight years? Sources say that the Queen has told him she wants a princess by his side when she celebrates 60 years on the throne in 2012. A princess. Man why can't I be a princess? I would be so good at it. I'm very nice and I love to chat and I don't mind trying weird food. I feel these are all great qualities of being a princess. And I really like England. Also I speak Spanish and that should come in handy right? Where do I send my resume?
Another One Bites the Dust...
Looks like another high profile celeb is being hit by an angry mistress. Apparently Shaq has been having a 5-year affair with this woman and she thought she was pregnant with his kid but now she's taking him to court for "harassing" her. What's the harrassment? He pretty much told her he didn't think it was his. I'm just getting a little tired of these women putting themselves in these situations. And also these celebrities. Come on Shaq. I don't have the energy these days to write a 2-part series about you. It does surprise me though that Shaq would do something like this. Maybe I'm just that naive about superstars like this but I didn't really see this coming. Then again, who saw Tiger's whole little predicament coming either?
Until next week...
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