Huh? Them?

So I've been following this storyline for some time now because, well, frankly I can't believe it could have actually been true.

Did you guys know Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson were dating?

Yes that would be this Sean Penn and this Scarlett Johnansson (you're welcome dude readers).

Apparently they've split up after four months of quietly dating and taking a trip to Mexico together.

He is 50 and she is 26. She was just married to Ryan Reynolds. Yes, this Ryan Reynolds (you're welcome ladies).

Here's the thing. Girl you are Scarlett Johansson.  Do you understand what happens to guys when they see you? Probably the same thing that happens to girls when they see your ex-husband.  And you pick Sean Penn as your rebound?

I don't know, I just don't get it.  She can have literally any guys she wants and she picks him?  It just bugs me. Oh but he's so mature and wise and philosophical and blah blah blah.  You are Scarlett Johansson. Act accordingly and pick a hottie like you're supposed to do.

Walmart Ridiculousness

It's an age-old debate: Target vs. Walmart. One has better prices, one has classier clientele, both are a one stop shop for basically anything.

What's my stance? Meh, I'll take either one. Usually Walmart for groceries and Target for clothes/shoes (Target shoes are fricken amazing)/anything else.

I do agree that the staff and shoppers at Walmart are, well, a bit on the non-classy side. I mean, not that it couldn't happen but I've never had an exchange like this happen to me at Target:

Random guy: Hey have you seen where the Gatorade is?
Me: Oh I don't work here.
Random guy: I know. I was just wondering if you had seen it while you were shopping?
Me: Oh. Um, no. No I haven't. Sorry.

This is either a) weird, b) standard for Walmart, c) an awesome pick up line or d) all of the above.

Anyway, I really don't have a problem going to Walmart... except for when I get to the checkout line.

Hey Walmart. All of the old people you employ are super cute and very friendly. But please don't let them work the registers. Please.

Without fail, I can get through my actual shopping in under 30 minutes. Then without fail, the checkout line takes me twice as long to get through.

Here are some of the awesome encounters I've had in the checkout line at Walmart recently:

1. I am in line for two things. TWO things. I go to the express lane. My checker is handling her business. However, the checker at the register behind me is having serious issues activating a gift card. So not only is she holding up her own line, but she then holds up my line because she is yelling at my cashier about how she can't figure it out and just wants to go back to the dairy department where she belongs. So right before it's my turn, my cashier leaves and goes to help her. What am I about to purchase? A poster frame and... a gift card. So now I'm nervous because I do not want to be that guy that holds up the entire line. I make a plan that if the woman starts to have trouble activating mine, I'll bail on the gift card. TEN minutes later my cashier comes back and apologizes for the wait. But my gift card gets activated with no problems at all and I'm on my way. But still... 10 minutes to shop, at least 20 at the register.

2. Last night I'm in line with a decently full cart of items. The woman in front of me has decided she wants to use cloth tote bags to put her groceries in. Sidenote: two of them are Target cloth bags. Is this allowed? I felt like some kind of alarm would sound and the Walmart police were going to show up and escort her out, saying "Ma'am. This is Walmart. Target items are not allowed within 50 feet of the premises." So good for her for saving the environment, but this now means that the cashier guy is completely thrown off. Instead of just scanning the items through and putting them in normal bags, he is now hand picking which items should go into which bag. The conveyor belt is not moving forward, ere go there is no room for me to put any of my stuff on the belt. He continues to take his time picking and choosing which item he wants to scan and bag next. I continue to get more and more agitated.

Finally this woman leaves and it's my turn. Now what does the guy do? Place two items in each bag. I know my guns are deceiving, but trust me, I can handle something heaver than two boxes of spaghetti in one bag.

Then he wants to make small talk. Maybe this is something I need to work on in 2011, but I am not a fan of the cash register small talk. Don't know why, just don't like to chit chat. So he sees that I'm buying six eggs instead of a dozen and asks why. What do you mean why? Because I only want six, how's that for why? Then he shares with me how many eggs he eats in a week and how the last time he ate eggs he had them in an omelette with ham. Sir, I don't like ham and I don't like that you're taking up bagging time by talking to me about my eggs.

35 MINUTES LATER I'm on my way.

None of this will deter me from continuing to shop at Walmart though. I hate the grocery story by my apartment, and I pretty much go there once a month, get 100 bucks worth of stuff and I'm good for the month. But I'm going to need the cashiers to get it together. Please.

Things I Think Are Stupid

Whatever happened to the days where you went to a mall or other shopping establishment and the parking spaces in the front were reserved for handicapped or disabled customers. And that was it.

Yesterday I went to Target in Davis and literally 10 spaces in every single aisle were reserved spots. And what were they reserved for? Hybrid cars, electric cars and carpools. This is what I think is stupid.

My San Diego friends will be the first to agree that this is stupid, considering this exact case runs rampant down there. Exhibit A: The Mission Valley Mall. A quick trip to that mall will have you circling the lot for hours because of all the reserved spaces with signs reading "Expectant Mother Parking Only".

Pregnant women, more power to you and all of your raging hormones but this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. My argument is this: how do you know I'm not pregnant?

Seriously, what's going to happen if I do park there? Is a nurse going to jump out from behind a tree with a pregnancy test and a pee cup and tell me to prove myself? San Diego ladies, somebody try this please and tell me what happens.

So the same holds true for these reserved spots in Davis. Carpools only? What the heck constitutes a carpool? Do people have special passes designating their car as an official carpool vehicle? That is stupid.

Next is the electric and hybrid cars. These signs also claim that those spots are charging stations for the cars. Well guess what people. No outlets anywhere near the spots. Furthermore if electric/hybrid cars are so popular that they demand literally 10 spaces all to themselves, why was there officially one car parked in any of the spots last night when I was there? Just because I choose not to drive a terrible Prius doesn't mean I should get penalized and relegated to the back of the parking lot.

Plus, again, how do you know my car's not energy efficient? Maybe I converted my Jeep to run on vegetable oil with these step-by-step instructions?

In conclusion, I hate parking lots as it is (talk to my brother about this) so this just adds to the rage that is already building inside of me. Get it together parking lots.

Dumb. D-U-M-B. Dumb.

This weekend was the Scripps National Spelling Bee and, as a former seventh-grade spelling bee champ myself, I know the pressure that these kids are under.

So what the heck protesters? Leave these spellers alone!

(Also did the spelling bee somehow end up in Davis this year? People actually protest in other cities? Madness.)

I don't really have much to say about this article except for the fact that it's the dumbest thing I've heard in a really long time. But when one of your protesters is an 81-year-old dressed in a bee costume, what can you expect?

Basically these people are saying that the alphabet and the different combinations of letters that comprise words in the English language makes it too hard for people to learn how to read, write and spell. So "enough" should be changed to "enuf", "fruit" to "froot", and so on.

First off, I feel like there's a lot more than just the spelling of words that goes into someone's ability to learn how to read, write and spell. Don't demographics and the availability of resources play some sort of role? I just think that oversized classrooms, lack of materials, or, in some cases, outside circumstances that might prevent a child from even attending school play just as big of a role in the success, or failure, of a student trying to learn to read, write and spell.

In the age of texting, Facebook and now Twitter, do we really need to dumb things down for our kids even more? I've had conversations on IM with teenagers that I can't even understand sometimes. Where they said "shud" instead of "should" and substitute numbers for letters whenever possible. I can barely follow along.

Here comes my go America! speech now. This country is a melting pot and all that, right? Our language is no different. My coworker made what I thought was a great point when he said it's a combination of all the different cultures and countries that created this country in the first place. We just don't have a "formulaic" language like many others do.

Final thoughts? This is dumb. Thanks for listening.

Things I Think Are Stupid

So today I had a very unfortunate happening at the gym which made me realize that there are two things that I think are really stupid. These things are the auto-faucets and auto-paper towel dispensers in public restrooms and people who don't pick up after their dog. And yes they will get tied together.

First the auto-faucets/auto-paper towel dispensers. Is this a germ thing or a let's try and save money thing? Neither one really makes sense if you think about it. If there is that big of a concern over germs then the door to the bathroom should be automatic too because for all of the oh don't touch the faucet handles! and the oh don't touch the paper towel handle! the second you put your hand on that door knob to exit the bathroom, you're touching who knows how much bacteria. Yep. I said it. Bacteria everywhere. So what's the point. Plus if you're trying to save money, what do you think is going to happen? Do you think I'm just going to run through and turn on all the faucets and get nuts? Am I going to just pump out paper towels and throw them everywhere? Maybe make myself a paper towel dress? The answer is no. I'm pretty sure that most adults can handle turning the faucets on and off and taking the appropriate amount of paper towels.

Furthermore, these piece of shit machines don't work. This was my completely frustrating experience tonight. You wave your hand in front of what you think is the sensor and nothing happens. So you move your hand up and down. Nothing. You take your hand away, you put it back, you wave it frantically from side to side. It. Doesn't. Work. So now you look ridiculous and it is infuriating. Then you move to the next sink or tower dispenser only to see someone walk right up and suddenly the water is just flowing like a river and paper towels are literally throwing themselves at this person. Terrible.

Plus, I don't like that these machines will tell me how much water and paper towels I'm allowed to have. I am a pretty girl and I will decide for myself how much water I need and how many paper towels I would like.

Next. If you are not willing to fully carry out all of the responsibilities that come with owning a pet, you should not own a pet. This includes picking up after your dog when he's on a walk. I do not own a dog for this reason. I don't like smelly things so I know that I would not be a good dog owner. My cat goes in a box and that's that. So why should I be penalized because someone else is too lazy or thinks it's gross or comes up with some other excuse to just leave it lying on the ground. That is not fair to the rest of us who are just trying to walk or get out of our car or go throw out the trash. Because you know what happens? We step in it. I bet if you did a study, it would show that more people who don't own dogs step in poop than do people who do own dogs. It's like a terrible karmic rule or Newton's Law of Owning a Dog or something.

So the grand question is how in the world do these things tie together?

So I get to the gym today and I'm changing in the little room and I realize that something is kind of smelly and sure enough I look and I have poop on my shoe. Yep. Don't know where it came from or when I stepped in it but there it is. Gross. So so gross. So with only one shoe on I'm trying to find a locker while holding my poop shoe. So now I try to clean it off because I want to go to my class and not just leave you know? So this is when I try to get a couple of paper towels. Epic fail. See above for my frustrations. Then I try to take the two measly paper towels they give me and run some water on them and no water will come out. I tried THREE faucets. It was a disaster. So I finally got most of the poop off my shoe and went to my class but the whole time I was paranoid that my shoe was still smelly and that people knew what had happened. I laugh about it now but at the time I was not amused. Trust me.