What!? Is that...? No. No it can't be.
Oh yes my friends. Your eyes and sidebar links do not deceive you. Livin' the Dream is back. After two straight 50 hour work weeks, one Pac-10 Wrestling Championship weekend, two baseball doubleheader days, and a swimming Big West Championship to report on, I think I am back to being a normal human. Still TBD though. With the rain in Sac-town/Davis, we might have another doubleheader on our hands so things might still be a little crazy.
At any rate, I'm back and what better way to kick off my grand return than with some awards. I am aware that most of this news is way old but deal with it.
The Celeb Baby News I Could Care Less About Award
And the winner is: US Magazine's picture and article of Shiloh Jolie Pitt's haircut
Accepting the award is the person who cut Shiloh's hair:
"I just got paaaaaaid. Thanks everyone. Deuces."
The WTF Award
And the winner is: these people
Accepting the award is Mark Weber, new father and husband all in the span of 3 hours
"Wow. This is so unexpected. I mean after 11 years I just thought it was maybe time for Erin and I to get married. It would have been nice to have a more traditional ceremony but after 11 years what's the difference? Sure I didn't have half the people I wanted there and most of our guests were complete strangers and I'm sure Erin probably never dreamed of a wedding like that but when it's right, it's just right you know? I mean when my new daughter asks me how me and her mommy got married, I'm going to love telling her all about how after dragging my feet for 11 years I finally married your mom while she was doubled over with debilitating labor pains all so that we could make sure grandma and grandpa were happy. Sure we could have gotten married when we first heard about the baby or you know like 9 years ago but better late than never right? Thanks again!"
Quote of the Week Award
And the winner is: Jessica Simpson
Accepting this award is Jessica Simpson
"Thank you so much for this! I swear that when I walk around in public people really do tell me straight to my face that I'm not fat! I mean they don't ask for my picture or my autograph or tell me they love my music or my movies. Nope. The immediate reaction from my fans is to tell me that I'm really not fat. And I swear I'm not even offended when they say that to me. I really do thank them. So thanks to my fans for not thinking I'm fat and thanks to Amanda for this award."
And the winner is: Khloe Kardashian
Accepting this award is the US Magazine writer who felt that yet another overshare by a Kardashian sister was worth making into breaking news.
"Wow I think this is the third or fourth award that Amanda has given us so we must be doing something right! Of course we had to share this story! She's a Kardashian and now she's married and she could be having a baby any day now. Editing? Not necessary. This is real news people. This is a real married couple trying to start a family together and don't you want to know every single detail?"
The ::Shudder:: Award
And the winner is: Gary Busey
Accepting this award is Gary Busey's other son, 38-year-old Jake
"Hey thanks a lot for this award. Um yeah it's a little weird that I have a newborn baby brother and I'm almost 40 but it's cool. I'll be able to teach him a ton of things like how to push my dad's wheelchair when he's 15 and my dad's 80. And the ins and outs of elder care facilities since he'll be like 21 when it's probably time to put my dad in a home. My dad probably won't be able to teach him how to drive because he'll be 80 and probably have his license revoked by then so that will fall to me too. But yeah I'm pretty excited about it all so thanks for this."
The Marketing Genius Award
And the winner is: The makers of The Sitch Cologne
Accepting this award is Mike "The Situation" himself.
"This award is real cool. I wanna thank all my friends from the shore: JWoww, Schnookers, Pauly D especially. Not Vinny because he's a hater and not Ronnie or Sammie because they're haters too. But I thank all the rest of them. I mean I'm just glad for this opportunity to really put my name out there you know? GTL baby. And that's the situation. Peace."
Aaaah that felt good....