Walmart Ridiculousness

It's an age-old debate: Target vs. Walmart. One has better prices, one has classier clientele, both are a one stop shop for basically anything.

What's my stance? Meh, I'll take either one. Usually Walmart for groceries and Target for clothes/shoes (Target shoes are fricken amazing)/anything else.

I do agree that the staff and shoppers at Walmart are, well, a bit on the non-classy side. I mean, not that it couldn't happen but I've never had an exchange like this happen to me at Target:

Random guy: Hey have you seen where the Gatorade is?
Me: Oh I don't work here.
Random guy: I know. I was just wondering if you had seen it while you were shopping?
Me: Oh. Um, no. No I haven't. Sorry.

This is either a) weird, b) standard for Walmart, c) an awesome pick up line or d) all of the above.

Anyway, I really don't have a problem going to Walmart... except for when I get to the checkout line.

Hey Walmart. All of the old people you employ are super cute and very friendly. But please don't let them work the registers. Please.

Without fail, I can get through my actual shopping in under 30 minutes. Then without fail, the checkout line takes me twice as long to get through.

Here are some of the awesome encounters I've had in the checkout line at Walmart recently:

1. I am in line for two things. TWO things. I go to the express lane. My checker is handling her business. However, the checker at the register behind me is having serious issues activating a gift card. So not only is she holding up her own line, but she then holds up my line because she is yelling at my cashier about how she can't figure it out and just wants to go back to the dairy department where she belongs. So right before it's my turn, my cashier leaves and goes to help her. What am I about to purchase? A poster frame and... a gift card. So now I'm nervous because I do not want to be that guy that holds up the entire line. I make a plan that if the woman starts to have trouble activating mine, I'll bail on the gift card. TEN minutes later my cashier comes back and apologizes for the wait. But my gift card gets activated with no problems at all and I'm on my way. But still... 10 minutes to shop, at least 20 at the register.

2. Last night I'm in line with a decently full cart of items. The woman in front of me has decided she wants to use cloth tote bags to put her groceries in. Sidenote: two of them are Target cloth bags. Is this allowed? I felt like some kind of alarm would sound and the Walmart police were going to show up and escort her out, saying "Ma'am. This is Walmart. Target items are not allowed within 50 feet of the premises." So good for her for saving the environment, but this now means that the cashier guy is completely thrown off. Instead of just scanning the items through and putting them in normal bags, he is now hand picking which items should go into which bag. The conveyor belt is not moving forward, ere go there is no room for me to put any of my stuff on the belt. He continues to take his time picking and choosing which item he wants to scan and bag next. I continue to get more and more agitated.

Finally this woman leaves and it's my turn. Now what does the guy do? Place two items in each bag. I know my guns are deceiving, but trust me, I can handle something heaver than two boxes of spaghetti in one bag.

Then he wants to make small talk. Maybe this is something I need to work on in 2011, but I am not a fan of the cash register small talk. Don't know why, just don't like to chit chat. So he sees that I'm buying six eggs instead of a dozen and asks why. What do you mean why? Because I only want six, how's that for why? Then he shares with me how many eggs he eats in a week and how the last time he ate eggs he had them in an omelette with ham. Sir, I don't like ham and I don't like that you're taking up bagging time by talking to me about my eggs.

35 MINUTES LATER I'm on my way.

None of this will deter me from continuing to shop at Walmart though. I hate the grocery story by my apartment, and I pretty much go there once a month, get 100 bucks worth of stuff and I'm good for the month. But I'm going to need the cashiers to get it together. Please.