Liiiiive! This. Is the New Cast of Dancing with the Stars!

Tonight during The Bachelor, ABC revealed who will be on the newest cast of Dancing with the Stars which premieres this month sometime.  Not gonna lie, I have no idea when it starts.

So without further ado, here are the 11 has beens, I mean celebrities, who will shake and shimmy their way towards the mirror ball trophy.

Sugar Ray Leonard
Champion boxer and... that's all I got. But I think that's all there really is to say. He should be thrilled to put on sequins and spandex every week.

Chelsea Kane
Here's what Wikipedia told me: She is on a show on the Disney Channel with the Jo Bros. Blah. For some reason she has a second name and also goes by Chelsea Staub.  Intriguing.

Romeo aka Lil Romeo
You know how I know who he is? He's Master P's kid. You know how I know who that is? Because when I was a junior in college Percy Miller came to register his two kids for the summer camp I directed. I didn't have a clue who I was dealing with until my boss came in and the following exchange happened:

Boss: You're somebody aren't you?
Master P: Haha. Nah.
Boss: Yes you are. You're somebody.
Master P: I could be.
Boss: Are you... ?
Master P: I don't know what you're talking about.
Boss: You are aren't you?
Master P: Haha. Nah.
Boss: You are! Oh my gosh please sir it's my birthday can I get an autograph please?
Master P: (to me) Is it really her birthday?
Me: Yes it is.
Master P: Alright but only cuz it's your birthday.
Boss: (screams) Thank you thank you thank you oh my goodness thank you.

Boom.  I said yes it is to Master P and collected his check for summer camp.

Ralph Macchio
Best. Contestant. Ever.  The original Karate Kid? My vote all the way. The only thing more epic than Ralph Macchio on Dancing with the Stars are the team names that the fantasy league is going to come up with.

Petra Nemcova
Here's what I know about her: She's a model. She dated James Blunt aka "You're Beautiful" guy. She survived the tsunami in Thailand by hanging onto a palm tree for eight hours. She couldn't be at the live reveal tonight because she was speaking to the UN.  None of those things is a joke. Not even the last one.

Kendra Wilkinson
Kendra is the most relevant and legit celebrity on the show this year.  That does not bode well for Dancing with the Stars. If Ralph Macchio loses (but honestly how could he?) I vote for her.

Hines Ward
Wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steeler.  I guess losing the Super Bowl has left him either in an extreme state of depression or so desperate to win SOMEthing that he will even take a mirror ball trophy. Either way, his face basically said "What the HELL did I just get myself into?" when he walked out onto the stage.

Mike Catherwood
Co-hosts "Love Line". Never listened to it, vaguely know what it even is, not a single clue. But he's hot.

Wendy Williams
I know Wendy Williams because Joel McHale makes fun of her all the time on The Soup.  Observe:

That is going to get really old really fast.

Chris Jericho
Former WWE wrestler who is pretty hot now that he cut his super long blonde hair.  Observe the BEFORE and AFTER.

Kirstie Alley
In the "press conference" following the announcement (I can't even make that up), somebody asked Kirstie Alley why she's on the show. She passed. Here's what she wanted to say: Jenny Craig fired me for gaining like 300 pounds so this is my last ditch effort to try and lose weight. Mean? Maybe. True? Probably. Entertaining? Not in the least.

And just when you think it couldn't get any more boring...

Brooke Burke is back.

Good luck Tom Bergeron. You're gonna need it.

1 comment:

  1. Is Wax On, Wax Off a legit dance move? If so, you might as well give Ralph the trophy now.